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4 AM, what the fuck am i doing awake? I've been up since 2:30. We're leaving for Ohio in about an hour. When I first woke up at 2:30 I heard my mom making noise downstairs so I figured that she'd be happy I was up early and we'd get on the road asap, but when I came downstairs she started bitching at me for being up so damn late and didnt I know we were leaving in a couple hours etc. Then she told me to do the dishes and finish up her laundry, but then she stayed up and did these things herself, and THEN said she was going back to bed and to wake her up in an hour. She's a fucking pain in the ass. We went clothes shopping today, I told her I didnt have any $$ and she said I could still check out the sales racks, which I found a pair of really nice dress pants for $5 (orig $40) and a nice shirt for $5 (orig $25). Then I saw this KICKASS dress, not on sale but I wanted to try it on anyway, and I fucking OWNED it, it looked so fucking good on me, and I felt good, like proud of myself for having lost over a hundred pounds and all that self-esteem stuff, and I come out of the dressing room to show her and I said "See, it looks good on me" and my mom laughs, like SNORTS, and tells me I look like a fat slob. It was like she decked me right in the face, ya know? So I flipped her off & went back in the to get my regular clothes on. Then she was a cunt the rest of the night (and still is) about how ungrateful I am and disrespectful blah blah blah blah BLAH Why she gotta be like that? And why do I have to look so much like her?

That's my parents, the happy couple back in 1974, a few years before having any kids. Don't let my dad looking like Charles Manson fool you, it's my mom who's the fucking PSYCHO.

And I've got to spend the next 7-8 hours in a car with her! She srives fairly reasonable when the baby is in the car, keeps it at about 70, plus with diaper stops and whatnots the used-to-be-a-5.5-hour-drive has now increased. She's losing her touch, she used to drive 80 anyfuckingwhere we went. Sometimes traffic backs up behind her when we're going from here to there in a 55 mph and she's doing 47 and I tell her "mom what the fuck you used to go this fast through the KFC drive-thru wtf?" Guess she's just getting old. Good, that means she'll die sooner.

Scott is VERY nervous about going with us. As he should be. For some reason he's also nervous about wearing a suit. He's mentioned a few times "wait till you see me in a suit" and when I said "bring your suit" he's all like "are you serious?" like he's asked me every time we've talked on the phone "you really want me to bring my suit?" I think he thinks that if he doesnt bring the suit he wont have to go to the goth-leather-bdsm-raver club that I told him I was dragging him to. I want to cage dance for him in my cute flapper dress, and he happens to have a black with pin stripes zoot suit. I think he doesnt like being reminded of his "goombah" past. He's just a retired plumber that happens to be from Sicily, no big-a deal-a.

So Ohio should be fun. I plan on getting a little sauced one o rtwo nights. i went halves ona big bottle of whiskey with Kevin yesterday and drank one drink. mentioned there being whiskey in the house to Scotty on the phone and he got worried "you're not gonna drink are you???" I understand him not wanting to be spending the rest of his life with a lush, and he also saw me coughing blood a coupla weekends ago at the tailend of my last binge, but jeeze, cant a girl have a little fun? yeah yeah I know, fun doesnt mean death, I keep forgetting! anyway I already made a couple drinks in some pepsi bottles and will probably swig offa those the whole way to ohio. Get there at noon totally ripped. My mom's starting to be a bitch about the radio too, so if I have to listen to Chicago and Genesis for 7 hours, don't think I wont be sippin.

I miss Scott. He was depressed today. His daughter has still been messing with his head. Plus he found out that neither his diplomat nor my saturn will be out of the shop anytime soon, even though he already paid the guy (who happens to be his best friend, so he gets discounts, which is cool n all but then his work gets pushed to the back burner). Scott's gonna need knee surgery soon and we need one of the cars on the road for me to be nursing him back to health and driving him to appointments n shit. Also I dont want to start working until I have a car. Anyway I gotta get moving, packing, going....

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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