Defining Moments of My Life
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09.28.07 11:32 a.m.

So she came over on Monday and spent the night. I was still very sick and didnt participate at all. I didnt get jealous or feel left out until I had to go to bed early and she asked me if it was OK if they fooled around. I said that it was ok but it turned out not to be OK, but who knows what they're gonna feel in a situation theyve never been in? Scott treats both of us so differently, she's here for fucking and I'm here for loving. He fucks her totally different than he does me, it's like she's my sex stunt double. But I'm quite capable of performing my own stunts!

Tuesday she and the baby went with me to Canandaigua to pay some tickets I got (they took my license so I needed to get it settled). i hung out with Cassidy but was getting the J stent out on Wednesday and Scott had 2 doc appts also so I left Cass there and my mom's bringing her out tonight. Katelyn wanted to spend the night again, I got Scott on the phone told him that she wanted to sleep over again to which he replied "hell yeah" or something like that, but I didnt want her to. So with Scott still on the phone telling me it's ok I tell her that Scott says he wants a quiet night tonight cuz Im getting my thingy out the next day. So I dropped her off at home. I talked to Scott that night about how jealous I got seeing them fucking. See what happened was that I went to bed, the two of them were watching tv when I fell asleep. Then I got woken up to them being noisy and I really needed a drink so I walked through the living room to get another wine cooler and they were goin at it on the couch. I felt the familiar heat of anger, I get really hot around the neck and chest, my eyes glaze over... just walked right back into the bedroom. They finished up quick and when I came out for another drink they were sitting at opposite ends of the couch, fully dressed, like nothing happened. I wish I could believe I hallucinated that shit but whatever. I told them it was OK, and I've talked to her about it now, we talked last night, she felt bad. She says she doesnt want to be a home wrecker, and the last thing she wants is to come between us etc. I told her that I thought it would be OK and it turned out not to be ok, that I'm not blaming them but I'd like for us to not play with each other unless everyone is here. Course Scott and I screw when she's not here, but she also gets laid by other people just about EVERY DAY so I think we're all even. She had hickeys on her neck from some dude named Jamar, who is a different guy than the one from myspace she's meeting on Saturday.

Last night was the most fun we've had. I was determined to "do my own stunts" and now I realize that I just might need a stunt double. Or more practice? Anyway I have never in my life been fucked that hard, to where I was literally bouncing off the mattress, getting bruises from his hip bones.... Now Harlan fucked hard, like he didnt care if he was hurting me, but it still wasnt this hard. I was bleeding from two orifices last night.


Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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About Me
I am a bipolar genius, child abuse & addiction survivor, who is now a single mother who works 70 hours a week and has had gastric-bypass weight loss surgery a year ago. Wish me luck cuz I need it!!!

Examples of My Insanity
Dead On Mental Health Quiz
Tuna Noodle Casserole Story
Explaining Myselves
Biting Off Redneck's Finger
Got So Crazy Scratched Til I Bled
How I Found Nirvana
Leaving Lon After 7 Years
Bad Luck On 3 July 4ths
Random Craziness (FBI Please Disregard)
How I Ended Up A Junky
Almost Getting Raped by a Marine
Typical Weekend in Ohio
How Cobain Saved My Life


How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


AFTER


WHAT'S MY NAME?!?