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Last night was the first night in a while that I've taken any sleep aids. It was also the first night that I had fucked up dreams again. I have to reread some entries see what I mention. And why do the worst dreams come right before the alarm goes off? Some kind of last minute brain panic knowing that time is fleeting? And can you believe that by just reading a god damned article on post 9/11 PTSD flare-ups in Vietnam vets actually caused my ptsd to flare up??? Also a customer was asking if I knew how many level 3 sex offenders work for my wal mart, cuz I guess one was working at the gas station near his house and was fuckin with his kid, trying to lure kids from the bus stop into the store for candy, so now this guy is on a mission to see where all the sex offenders work and get them fired. Like they need spare time? Then another trigger at bedtime when Cassidy snuggled up with her new teddy bear and called him Klondyke. They aren't bears to her, they're Klondykes. Fucken-a what's a chick to do?

So yeah in the first dream they were all ganging up on me, like a regular child molester pow-wow. Then maybe it blurred into the second dream, where I was running to get away (from them?) and knocked on random doors in an apartment complex and turns out it was Katelyn and Scott's new place. They were nice at first, and then again like in all the dreams and real life, they start fucking in front of me so I get angry and being up Klondyke. Scott says he's at the beach house, and they both giggle. "What beach house?" "The one at the park." "Genessee County Park?" and all they do is laugh, then Katelyn says "Well, his leg is anyway" and they really crack up. So by this time I've donkey punched Katelyn in the back of the head and have Scott by the throat (I remember thinking I was bout to pull his adam's apple out through his neck) saying "I'll take Klondyke's leg, all that's gonna be left of your Charger is the tailpipe!" Then I cause random havok on my way out the door. I get across the parking lot to someone else's apartment, and now there are all my molesters AND Scott n Katelyn out looking for me, in a big group. They bang on the doors and windows, trying to get in through the floors like in old zombie movies. I remember biting someone's exposed arm and then thinking "oh god now I'M infected." and now that I think about it, what the hell would have I been infected with? Douchebag germs I guess.

Anyway, the ptsd article about the flare-ups said that there was treatment that worked very well. This was a VFW magazine and they only had info on VA hospital PTSD programs. Besides the difficulty sleeping/bad dreams and panic attacks, they have found other physical symptoms to this mental illness: GI tract issues; high blood pressure; anger management issues & mood swings; overeating, and alcoholism. And the longer you go untreated the worse things get. Some can have high levels of function until a flare up occurs. Everything's right on the money with me....

OK I gotta get goin, catching the bus today, wanna be out of the house before babygrrl wakes up.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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