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yesterday was pretty cool except for me nearly dying, or feeling like I was. Me and my brother went to a cookout at his friend's place. As soon as we got there I drank one of those new plastic bottle pints of mike's hard lemonade. then I had two smirnoff ice (being sunday, I couldn't purchase REAL smirnoff fucking christians and their stupid god! if YOUR god doesnt want YOU to drink, then fine, but MY god wants me to be shitfaced as much as possible dammit it's a god-given right!!!!). While drinking the smirnoff ice we were doing bong hits in the bedroom, which was small and hot and tightly packed (the bedroom, AND the bong) so I took about 6-10 hits and got super stoned, I was sitting in the middle for a while so I was getting double hits heh then when we were done I stood up off the floor and nearly crashed into the wall. proves my point that I am never as drunk or as high as I think I am until I stand up.... so everyone else went out back on the patio and I made it as far as the living room so I sat down on the couch, then laid down. gravity was too much for me. it was like it was pulling me into the ground.... my pulse was racing and I couldnt breathe and then I started to see double and sweat profusely and people would walk by and ask "are you ok?", like they did this a lot, and I wasn't feeling ok so I decided to see what I looked like, splash some water on my face. I made it to the bathroom, where I was pretty much white with purple under my eyes and white lips. I actually looked worse than I did after I came to from the overdoses.... so I splashed some water on my face, which felt like wet rubber, and decided to go find my brother. what I really wanted to do was pass out right there on the bathroom floor but I was smart enough to see that there'd be no way they could open the door if I did that... so I made it to the sliding glass door, which was too heavy for me to pull open and thats where I collapsed, half landing on the couch to where if you hadnt seen me go down you'd just think I was drunk and falling off the couch. so someone got my bro and he came in and was like "goddammit jo, did you fucking score here what the fuck!" and was about to start yelling "Who sold my sister heroin!" when I said "no no its not THAT dude, I wouldnt be scared if it were, I'd know what to do then" so he gets me some ice and tries to make me laugh by saying I look just like Doc Holiday towards the end of the movie, which only scares me and I start to worry about coughing up blood, I DID do a lot of coughing back in the bedroom. The ice helped a lot so I think it was a combination of the quickly drank alcohol, and the heat and I guess mighty-fine weed. I'm not sure though, all the H should be outta my system by now, its been more than a week, so that shouldnt have had an effect, but I still havent been able to drink as much as I used to, before I became a junky.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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