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I'm home sick today. Actually sick, not just "sick" too. Was kinda funny cuz yesterday all of us filled out our service logs (time sheets) and it was the first one where I hadnt been absent any days. Whoops. Man I feel like crap. At least the shit in my nose has thickened up so it's not all runny. It's now like wall paper paste, and the color of dopesickness. For those that haven't had the pleasure of experiencing dopesickness, the color I'm referring to is that orange-yellow Dial liquid soap color. I'm wondering if all this has something to do with the fact Ive been taking the cat's unused pain medicine? So anyway, went to bed early last night, around 12:30, and I just woke up at 2pm. Was having an insane dream. I was at a picnic/campout thingy with a bunch of "friends" (I dont know who the people are in real life, never seen em, but in my dream they were my friends). There were nice houses surrounding an inlet of a very pretty lake. It could have been Canandaigua Lake. It was at night. We were playing with a frisbee. I was chilling in a porch swing with someone, smoking a bowl. I saw someone on one of the roofs. First I thought that there was no way he'd make it jumping into the water cuz there's too much land in between the house and the lake. I don't know why I thought this first cuz in real life if I saw someone up on a roof looking over a crowd of people, especially a crowd of rick kids, I'd wonder who they were going to shoot first. Well in my dream the dude on the roof was shooting at the person who was trying to catch the frisbee. He had a silencer, but I could hear that as well as the bullets wizz by. It got kinda Matrixy for a second cuz the dude being shot went slow motion. He wasn't ducking the bullets a la Neo or anything like that but just in slo-mo, and I saw the bullet hit the back of his leg, go through his calf and explode out the other side. It was like red fireworks of blood coming out his leg. He ended up taking a header down into the lake. The dude I was smoking up with ran over to help the kid out of the water. I tried to keep watching the kid with the gun. Another Matrixy affect happened when I was looking at him and then it was like my vision got really close up and I could see who he was, even hear his breathing. Turned out to be my brother (not my real life brother). He had put the gun away, sat down and smoked a cigarette. The rest of the kids were hiding behind a boat garage, and I remember thinking they were idiots for believing 100 year old rotted wood would protect them from a .44 caliber with a downward trajectory. So I finish the bowl and meander over to the house my brother is on top of. He was on his way down a ladder. We're both talking and acting as if it was no big deal to shoot anyone. He asks who he hit, I say "Brian" (I dont even know anyone named Brian). He says that he was aiming for the frisbee, like shooting skeet. I told him he better tell that to his lawyer. But again it was all easy going. We walk over to the group of kids hiding behind the boat garage and they dont realize that it was him who shot the kid. The dude's doing ok, has been bandaged up and whatnot. I say that the shooter isn't up there anymore, that it's probably safe to move the kid. Three guys carry the injured one to one of the houses. Then the picnic campout thing picks up where it left off, as if nothing happened. Though more people showed up for a bonfire, and the kids who wittnessed the shooting were talking abotu the shooting, it was all like "hey where's Brian?" "Oh didn't you hear? Some crazed gunman shot him in the leg earlier." "Oh, cool. Pass the salsa, man." Meanwhile my brother has now began stabbing people. I see through the crowd, my brother walking by people, then that person falls to the ground. No one notices, or really no one cares. But I'm as apathetic as they are, I guess for different reasons though. My brother thinks he's being slick. I can see he's making his way over to me. I reach down and grab the knife from the table in front of me. It's got cake or some dessert-type stuff all over it and I wipe this off on the table cloth. I'm looking down to do this and two feet come into my view. I know it's my brother. He says "Can I have a hug?" I say "Sure, why not." We hug and he says he loves me. I think to myself "OK, here comes the blade, he's gonna stab you any moment now, do something about it!" I say "I love you too" and then stab him in the back, right below the shoulder blade of his right arm. He looks at me and he's shocked. Then I notice that he doesn't have a knife in his hand. There's a hiss coming from his back, air coming out of the lung I'd punctured. He falls to the ground, trying to say "Why?" but his voice is all gurgley. This is when the dream skips ahead, I dont know how much into the future. I'm on the porch swing again, alone this time. There are completely different kids playing frisbee. My brother's on the roof again. He really is aiming for the frisbee this time, it gets shot down in mid-air. No one gets hurt though everyone screams and runs this time. It's like the whole scene gets replayed but the "right" way. It skips a heada little and my brother is walking through the crowd again, but this time he's apologizing to people. They don't fall down after he talks to them. He makes his way up to me. I've got the knife and table in front of me again. I see his feet come into view and he says "You would stab me again, sister?" then he disappears. This didn't surprise me for some reason. I turn to look back towards the mountains, and I can clearly see him standing on the top of an electrical tower, on the highest point of the mountain. I can hear him laughing like it's in my ear. "Join me" he says. The dream jumps AGAIN and I"m the leader of a group of kids climbing wooden stairs up the mountain. Our goal is to get to some observation deck. We make it to some platform where there are a bunch of old couches, dirty hippy coffeehouse style, and I collapse into one of them. Though I'm an ideal weight in the dream, my knees are still fucked up and my asthma is still working against me. The other kids complain that I need to keep moving. I think I set them on fire with my thoughts. Then I see my brother coming up the other side of the platform, like he was rising up through the air. He walks through the group of thrashing about burning kids and asks if I want to come with him. I say "What took you so long to ask?" I'm not sure if it went on from there or if that was the end. Pretty bizarre.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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