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BEFORE
it hurts when you press that dull little thing that you're only supposed to use once and then discard
11.02.03 3:27 p.m.
My lip hurts, so does my finger, both good signs, though the lip is really fucking irritating. I tend to bite the inside of my mouth frequently, my teeth are chipped and sharp. My lips and inner mouth pay the price.
After a healthy, Atkins Approved breakfast of Moutain Dew and Sugar Daddy's I'm feeling quite hyper. We're at band practice now. I was reading through a guitar mag, got some ideas of what I can do with the Jagstang to actually make it into a decent guitar. I've been searching a long time for a pickup to replace my humbucker with. Problem is that the bucker is bigger than most single coils. I already put in a Seymour Duncan Cool Rail, which is great with the Humbucker, it evens it out. Cool Rails sound very prg-rock like Strokes and Hot Hot Heat. I want to get an SD Invader. It'll give the Jagstang more punk sound, more "street cred" I think. haha I don't know what I'm talking about. Fuck I tried to read an interview with BB King basically teaching someone how to play the blues but it was all Greek to me. I didn't understand anything. I need to learn chords and theory and eegads... MATH before I become the kind of player I'd like to be. My fantasy is to lock myself away in my forthcoming apartment with nothing but the guitar and the matress and little money to spare on things like food... and emerge a year later as a hot rocker goddess. Seriously, it's gonna happen. So anyway I'm thinking of the Invader pick ups, they might sound liek shit with the Cool Rails and might have to switch to Hot rails to even out the tone. The Hot Rails will give me that fat sound I need to play good old fashioned grunge rock, the Invader for the punk. I also would like to get a red tortoise shell pick guard cuz I think that would look fucked up. I'm also thinking of finding my friend Candice to paint a portrait of Kurt on it for me. I was thinking of looking her up so she can draw out a Kurt porttrait for my tat. That girl can portrait ANYONE and it'll be perfect. She was amazing. Last time I talked to her was a week after I'd been outta rehab, I was still in NY. She was in NYC still but The Fall freaked out so badly that hse dropped out of art school and moved back home to South Carolina. Jack ended up doing the same thing, giving up on his broadway dancing dream and moving back to SC. Some people aren't built for the big city. Me, sometimes Houston isn't big enough. I'm in the thrid largest city in the US and sometimes I think "Where are all the cool people?" Austin, duh.
I'm digging on that new Dido song bout going down with the ship, but don't tell nobody, k?
This entry had a point, but it's gotten dull with over-usage from missing the mainline... I'll come back when I got something sharp.
I forgot something. I never dug Elliot Smith that much, yeah I want a sensitive feeling kinda guy, but I also want a guy who can tear out a dickhead's throat and not think twice about it... Smith was a little too pansy for me, I mean obviously seeing he offed himself sometime this week. I've been working a lot, I don't know when exactly it was. I was thinking of getting in touch with Tyler, my bestest homeboy from back in the day, cuz it's been a while and he probably thinks I'm dead, or worse... and now I really need to cuz his two favorite musicians WERE Cobain and Smith, he's taking it hard I imagine. Plus last week I had a dream about him being in trouble. I had the same sorta dream bout Janet a couple months ago... this is all cool now cuz I'm stronger and I might actually be able to help my friends.
Always remember to quit while you're ahead.
I am a bipolar genius, child abuse & addiction survivor, who is now a single mother who works 70 hours a week and has had gastric-bypass weight loss surgery a year ago. Wish me luck cuz I need it!!!
Examples of My Insanity
Dead On Mental Health Quiz
Tuna Noodle Casserole Story
Explaining Myselves
Biting Off Redneck's Finger
Got So Crazy Scratched Til I Bled
How I Found Nirvana
Leaving Lon After 7 Years
Bad Luck On 3 July 4ths
Random Craziness (FBI Please Disregard)
How I Ended Up A Junky
Almost Getting Raped by a Marine
Typical Weekend in Ohio
How Cobain Saved My Life
How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?
AFTER
WHAT'S MY NAME?!?