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Seems I'm turning into quite the little slut. I haven't been writing much in here about it but anyway, yeah. The stripper, the watermelon, the terrorist... and now the painter. He's "in his 50's", some old hippie native american guy that I posed for. I get to pick my two fave paintings, theyre actually pretty good, he paints kinda like Crumb draws, he gets the honesty of how I look but also makes me look better too.... So anyway... I'm also turning into quite the psychopath as well, the no feelings and no remorse... training myself, it seems, for some future hardship... possibly something to do with Lon not contacting me. I think too much, and the walls I'm building back up are helping keep me occupied so that I don't think. I told Cindy last night, she's the one that hooked me up with the psycho painter (his nickname is Mad Max, and he took me to a storage unit to paint me "It puts the lotion on!"). I figure I'll only date guys that I know for sure will hurt me, that way I dont have to worry about it happening. I'm also playing with fire again, the painter can get opium, says he gets it all the time. He had really good dro yesterday and I could taste the opium in the pipe so I asked how often he smokes, he said as much and as often as possible, but he didnt make it over to his dude's house cuz of all the bad storms we had all weekend. He says he's tried H "back in the day" but never shot and never would. I didnt tell him I wanted any opium but I'm sure I'll see him again and he's bound to bring it up, we still aren't done painting. Again I keep winning the lottery... yippee.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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