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FINALLY a fucking good fourth of july. The fireworks were cancelled due to rain and I haven't been to sleep yet. Hmmm. It started out weird and only got weirder. Hungover from the pills I been poppin cuz I'm in a serious manic phase now and I need to sleep some god damn time ya know... so I'm all groggy dope-sleepy and my mom calls saying I need to call gramma and see if she wants to do dinner that night. I wake back up and remember to do this two hours later, gramma, who sounded just as doped up as I was, said she was too tired to decide and to call back in (another) two hours. So after sleeping a while I called her up and told her I was coming over. This was about 2 or 3pm. We watched the national geographic channel for a while, some special with jaques cousteau's grandson Fabian, kinda cute, anyway after that me n gram were gonna go to schooner's resteraunt but it was closed for the holiday, went to denny's instead, where gram had two eggs, ham and toast and coffee, where she put in 6 sugars and 4 creams. I had chicken strips, my trademark I guess you could call it. After that I wanted to stop by the storage unit to get a book I promised to lend someone and have seen them four times and havent had the book and figured I'd see him at teh fireworks so I better get it. I also wanted to run back here and get online but Rick was on the computer at teh time so I took a shower instead (which extrememly worked to my favor seeing I hadnt showered since umm... yeah...). I told gram I'd be back at her place to watch the beginning half of ID4, one of my favorite movies (landmarks get blown up and lots of people die). I get back there and she's in the lobby playing pinnocle with some old ladies, one of which was wearing a pink handmade silk and lace blouse that looked very old fashioned, it kicked major ass, she spoke with an accent, turns out shes from norlins, so she found it interesting I had an anne rice book for that dude with me, I said she could borrow some of them if she wanted, gramma said "why dont you let me borrow your books?" (when gram reads my books she signs her name in it so she knows if she read it or not and all the anne rice books have her name in them...). Anyway, the day gets better, bear with me, we screw the movie and play euchre for the next couplea hours. Gram is playing with norlins lady and I get "twitchy", the kept jerking around (parkinsons?) and dropping her cards, so it was always easy to know what to call trump.... Anyway her and I beat gram and norlins 2/3 times. grams team won the first game cuz she loned it for 4 points when we were both tied @6. So, after that adventure gram invited me to her apt for strawberry shortcake, which if youve been reading, is like kryptonite to me. I grub on that, actually get to watch the white house blow up while making "kaboom" anf "fire" noises like Beavis while gram called me a jerky turkey and I said no thanks I dont like jerky, specially not turkey jerky. She went to the bathroom and I stole a bunch of her vicodin (I know, I'm already goin to hell). She came otu with a lime green kinda dyke looking polo shirt saying it didnt fit her and maybe I wasn't too fat for it. It was pretty baggy on me and I kept it on just to rub it in her face. (Really, it gets better keep reading) I head out to karaoke and the fireworks at ten to nine. No karaoke cuz of the fireworks and no fireworks cuz of the rain... so half the town crowded onto the deck of the bar karaoke usually is at. I was hanging around Rick for a while then forged out on my own once I smoked up with some of his friends and got some herbal encouragement. I shoulda said this earlier but when walking up to the bar when just getting there, the very first person to catch my eye was a sexy mother fucker with a mohawk. (see told ya it'd get good). Through the night we probably made small talk or bumped into each other about 5 times. He was with this guy who kept hitting on me, turns out that guy wasnt with him at all, just standing near him cuz all the cute girls were hanging around mohawk guy. At one point mohawl guy was "drooling" ove this half retarded girl wearing a pink skiing jacket and white sweat pants. I didnt get it. I said to him, and remember I dont know this guy at all, "You could do ten times better than that, get some self esteem for christ sakes" word. He said she was fuckable, and I said no way, the day you didnt call her back she'll drive her car through your house, he said how do you know she's the type, I kinda just went "um... ahem...doot doo do... she just looks like the type that would boil your kid's rabbit" He told me to mellow out. Oh, I was still wearing the dyke lime green polo shirt, hugged the titties, didnt look that bad just that I hardly ever wear color... and NEVER that color. So the guy hanging around him sorta flirts with me and I dont flirt back and the hanger says "are you lesbian or something" and I said "no, just not interested" and he walked off. me and mohawk guy talked for a little bit longer but he went and tried to ask out "pretty in pink" who rolled her eyes and made the finger in the mouth GAG motion when mohawk's back was turned. LOL I didnt tell him this, it's good to stroke a man's ego for a little while anyway. We got separated, I might have smoked another j with someone, or popped more of the vikes... walked down to the van to get that book for dude who showed finally talked to dude for a while, mohawk comes up afterward and asks if the black guy was my boyfriend, I said no, no boyfriend, nothin against blacks though, and he said "no, of course not" and walked off. Rick came by and said he was going over to the bar his son is the asst manager of and I said maybe Id catch up with him there. Mohawk guy comes up and asks why I"m talking to that old fat guy all night and I explain the whole ex-almost step-dad thing and he says he knows Erin (Rick's son) sort of. Me and mohawk get to talking for a LONG ASS time this time, very fucking good convo, like Insomnia coffeehouse good... like back in the day staying up way later than you should cuz the convo is so good... and he stops me int he middle of something and he says "How come youre so cool?" I didnt answer "Seriously, how the fuck are you HERE... is this really happening... I mean, WHO ARE YOU??" I told him to stop it, I'm not that cool. He said I proved his point by being humble, I said I was only pretending to be humble, that yes I know how goddamned cool I am... he cracked up, very fucking cute smile. He reminds me of a cross between Randy back in the day and the vigilante from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (movie #1) Casey Jones (Elias Koteas), with a mohawk, burgundy mohawk but I didnt discover that till this morning (oooh). We talked for a long ass time. The guy he said he wasn't with and didnt know said he was leaving and if mohawk needed a ride to come on and he said "nah I'll be alright" and I said "you will?" and he said "I won't?" oh good times... about 1 am Rick comes back through saying "Real nice seein ya at MacGreggors, Jo!" like I made concrete plans to meet him over there or something... we didn't even bother to break our conversation to aknowledge Rick so he went away. Shortly thereafter we passed Rick on the deck on our way to the van. He didnt know I had a van. He complained about it being so far of a walk to get to it. I dont understand why none of these "in shape" skinny boys I know can't stand to walk a fucking block... it really pisses me off how fat people get deemed lazy and Daniel can't even bend over and touch his fucking toes. Anyway he was pretty impressed with the van, specially when I hit the remote starter and made it go "blue-bloop". He remarked on it's state of cleanliness. Upon getting to his rented farmhouse on east lake road (unsarcastically as schnazzy as it sounds) we hang in the kitchen where we both drink a labbatts blue, and I drink it like my dad would, as in like it's water and I'm used to drinking beer all day long, very odd cuz I fucking hate beer and couldnt even pretend to liek beer.... We talk more. Subject of music, his favorite band is NIRVANA, he says "I know it sounds dorky but my fave band is still NIRVANA, dont laugh..." I said "You didnt notice my tattoo?" He says "What tat?" duh Joe, the wrist band from the club the night before. I tear that off and he says "I've died and gone to heaven" right as he says this the radio station plays Pixies "Monkey gone to heaven" could it get any more bizarre? Yes indeed-arooniedoonie! He kept saying how weird the whole thing was and asking if I was an alien imposter. I said �maybe, I�m not sure, ask me in the morning.� That made him smile. Great fucking smile. He said he was voted best smile and best musician in the senior year book, I told him what I was voted (most likely be seen on america�s most wanted) and got another smile� I�m glad I�m so damned funny, cuz he�s that damned cute. Oh it�s not all twirling in fields of wildflowers here� he�s recently left his wife cuz she started using coke again, got into a huge argument with her cuz first she left for a whole weekend and he said if you go I wont be here, so he waited for her return days later and then left her with the kids. When he tries to visit them she wont let him, hence the argument. So he says he�s gonna divorce her, that his heart can�t take it anymore. I had mentioned the whole �Lon-thing� before he talked of his issues so he asked how I could do it, actually leave and stay left�. He said he�s afraid he�ll love her forever and it�ll keep hurting. I didn�t have a pleasant answer for him, I said if he was like me then yes, he would love her forever and it would always keep hurting. I said that I didn�t think she�d ever get her shit together, not from being jealous or anything like that, just statistically speaking, someone who�s been through 14 rehab programs and centers and day programs and crisis outreach and live-in facilities, halfway houses� you name it� and they continue to keep fucking up even though they have a nice husband and children and job and house and car and� and he didn�t deserve to keep getting hurt� and I talked of my escape, how it was like we both were sinking and I wasn�t sure which one was the anchor or if we�d both sink or float but I saw an escape and I took it, yes I feel bad for that being the way but it was the only way and I�m better off for it. I told him about Candide making his own paradise and that�s what I do, that�s why I�m so confident, cuz when I decide to do something, it gets done, and it usually turns out not so bad, with little effort. Crazy conversation, like I said, back in the day coffeehouse talk, where it�s all abstract and metaphysical and you�re not even sure if YOU are real or if the situation isn�t something you�re making up in your head�. He admitted that he has a problem with women, he can�t ever manage to keep it together. I said the bad marriage wasn�t his fault. Some people can recover from being drug addicts, some people can�t. He says that�s not it, I asked if he cheats and he said no but he looks, I said �There�s nothing wrong with looking,� and he asked again �how�d you get so cool�, �not cool� I said, �realistic.� He made us drinks, gave me the rest of the coke in my whiskey and drank a couple shots straight after which he needed my drink to chase it but mine was pretty strong too. �How can you drink that shit like it�s water?� �That�s why I don�t drink often�� he was impressed that I don�t smoke cigarettes, his brand is Newport. Read the riot act about the pills though, sorta with the weed too. Asked if I�ve gotten all the hardcore drug use out of my system, and I said �yes, I�ve had enough pain� him too�. Time for bed. Did I mention he was in the navy? He was in the Gulf, but not the gulf war, he�s 29. His bedroom was immaculate, the rest of the house not as clean but still pretty damn clean for three guys living together. His bed, just mattresses on the floor, my favorite, his sheets and blankets were tucked in with proper military-style corners. His closet was color coordinated, white t-shirts on the left, black tees on the right, some purple ones in the middle, purple�s his favorite color. Jeans folded nicely on a rack, dress pants beside that. Shoes in neat rows, even the converse, of which he had three pair: red high tops, black low tops, purple low tops. Not very many tapes or cds but he had a boomin system. We listened to a mixed tape of Pixies and Social D, maybe some other bands were on it too. He had a couple wall hangings, a Weezer tarp over one window, and british flag with the word ROCK painted on it, Scooby doo poster� not enough books, in fact the only books I saw in the house were Penthouse, (which is my favorite nudie mag, some of them were interesting, every time I had to piss �which seemed like zillions- I�d be in there looking at the mags LOL) . So we sit on the bed and TALK some more� seriously you�d think I woulda jumped him by now but he was still not catching my flow, like for real he didn�t know I was a sure thing� ok if you get a ckick to give you a ride home and she comes in, you�re 80% there� if she makes references about being there in the morning� 90% there� if she�s in your room� JUST SHUT UP AND GET NAKED, OK?? For real he musta needed more healing words. Which was fine. Felt very comfortable, like bestest buds, I�m lounging upside down as usual if anyone knows me in real life I have a knack for sitting in very weird positions, usallu upside down to where my legs are up the wall and my neck and head hang off the side of whateveritisI�msittingon. He shoulda known from the way I was talking at the BAR that I woulda fucked him. The saying is true, with me anyway, that a woman knows within the first 5 seconds if she�d fuck you or not. I have pretty good intuition, haven�t been let down in bed with any of the guys I�ve met since I�ve opened up sexually. At the bar he asked why the tongue ring if I�m not gay, I said you must not have ever experienced a tongue ring, he said �you�re that good huh?� �I guess that�s what they say� �How are you so confidant?� he asked. �I don�t half-ass anything, if I�m going to do something, then I do it right. And it doesn�t hurt to actually like what you do.� �Hmm� he goes. Back in his room he said I was intimidating, that he was waiting to get �Punk�d� or something. Intimidating cuz I�m so smart and �with it� (me? With it??) and everything I say sounds like I�m reading a script, that it�s all so thoughtful. Side note, usually in spoken conversation I take time to get to the point, and in well thought out conversation, which I AM capable of when it counts, such as in face to face times like that, I can be actually quite poignant. And FINALLY, after the intimidation talk he asks if he can kiss me. He ASKED my permission! I told him he didn�t need to ask for anything. It wasn�t straight for the pants either which totally rocked. I�d forgotten how nice the nervousness, the tension, the wait can be. It really hasn�t been like that but the first few times with Lon cuz we were both new to sex and didn�t know what we were doing. With Eric I was nervous cuz it wasn�t Lon. With Harlan there wasn�t time to think, let alone feel�. Same with all the rest, it was total lust, going crazy fucking, especially Ray with still the best pick up line �I�ve never wanted to fuck anyone more in my entire fucking life than I want to fucking fuck you right now!� and I�m all like �um, what�s your name?� and he�s getting naked on the way to my apartment and I nearly crash his friends truck cuz he�s started undressing me while I�m driving VERY quicky and we barely make it in the bedroom and on some occasions DIDN�T�. No no, this was the exact opposite, like me and Botch doing our hot little exploring sessions, �is it ok if I do this�� the nervousness, the innocence of it too is what�s getting to me. OK let me explain what he looks like. An inch taller than me, gray eyes, hair is naturally colored like mine, the wheat color, honey but rusty too, though remember he�s got a burgundy Mohawk, his license said 140 pounds (yikes he needs some of my lasagna!). Birthday 12-12, grew up around here, graduated from Honeoye in 93, went into the navy, moved around a lot since then, Colorado, Seattle, New Orleans, San Antonio�. Was an OK soccer player till he got his first skateboard, is just coming to terms with his religious failures (his own words) and trying to get back into the way again, I don�t think he ever did college anywhere though he should have a GI Bill. Don�t think he�s ever been in jail, though he�s done a couple rehabs, the first time going through programs while with his wife was enough, he drinks though but not too much, has a few tattoos but nothing that original (dragon, preying mantis, tribals, barbed wire) except his wife�s initial inside a sun tattooed on his heart that I was jealous of not of the situation just that I�ve never meant that much to someone for them to do something like that, never meant enough to marry me etc. He has a picture of his son taped to his alarm clock. The whole rogue father can�t see his son thing, very Harlanesque. In fact this guy is like a better Harlan, kind of like how Eric�s cheat is a better version of me, (�half the fat, same great taste!�), a few things, maybe even too many things remind me of Harlan, though I can tell he isn�t a beater (I could tell Harlan was). So back to the nookie, we make out for a long time, he really likes kisses, total opposite of my recent lovers, and he�s an awesome kisser, the stubble rubbing me was a nice touch this time when usually it bugs me, he REALLY liked my kisses �Oh damn, such great lips� you were right about that tongue ring� do all the guys like it this much?� and so the numbers game begins� though me being all bad ass and wanting guys to know that I haven�t been with very many (though I�m either gonna have to start lying soon or stop going to bed with so damn many�) , I say �there haven�t been that many�� and he says �34 for me��(I don�t gasp but Ive never had a guy actually give me a number, it�s always a rounded, estimated to the nearest dozen or so kind of figure and he being so exact, very thoughtful, as if he could tell me all their names and what they looked like etc) so he says �34 for me� No, wait, 33� and I say �No, you were right� 34.� HINT! HELLO!! ENOUGH WITH THE KISSING ALREADY!!! �34? So that means�� big smile, god I need to get a picture and I say to him �I don�t kiss guys I don�t intend on fucking� that�s just teasing and being slutty.� So he asks how many I�ve been with, I answer less than 10 (I conveniently forget to mention how 80% of those have been in the last 6 mos) �How many dicks you sucked then?� is his next question and I say �What the hell, is this Clerks? Are you expecting me to say something like 26 dicks?� oh he cracked up. �Whadyoo know bout Clerks?� all night any time I�d bring up something we had in common, which was quite a bit, he�d say �whadyoo know bout suchnsuch� (you can tell I really like the guy huh yeah I know I�m headed for a heartache I know I know lemme enjoy it while it lasts ok). So the sex� HE wants the lights out, says he�s actually light sensitive and I say �whadyoo know bout being light sensitive�� he�s got blankets stapled in front of his windows too�. He lights a candle. He was very awesome about the condom thing and admitted that he was waiting to see if I was going to bring it up to see what kind of girl I am� �well don�t you know by now�� I�m pretty responsible, all but Harlan, and I�ll get tested when it�s been 6 mos, (hasn�t even been one month!) and Hardy�s so damn anal about cleanliness and the types he�s with, anyway I don�t need to give excuses I shoulda pressured it but you can see where trying to pressure Harlan got me. So anyway it was nice he was responsible and didn�t make a big deal out of it though he did have to steal some from his roomies which I�m not sure to take as a good sign or not, or else they just keep all the sex related stuff ina communal stockpile in the bathroom or something and then for sure I don�t know whether that�s good or bad�. And wouldn�t you know it, I hit the cock-size lottery AGAIN! I don�t understand how it keeps happening. My ego wants to claim the credit, like I�m a penis-muse or something. Gotta be the tongue ring LOL, it�s always the tongue ring�s fault (�So you got a tongue ring?� �yup.� �Ya know how to use it?� �yup�). Anyway we were both quite impressed with each other�s talents and whatnots. We�re both into the same stuff sexually, though I sensed he was a bit either apprehensive about getting rough or just isn�t into that, which is ok cuz it�s a nice change, and it�s not like it wasn�t rough by a normal person�s standards or anything, and also maybe he�ll warm up to it, holding some back for next time, gives it somewhere to progress to�. He held out for a pretty long time, it was The Plow that did it though. He wasn�t exactly out like a light but nearly. Before the yawning started though, very cute too, I made the mistake of saying �so how long before you get another hard-on� which I feel like a complete ass for saying and I said that right away before he could answer that I shouldn�t have said that and it was wrong of me to expect that and ask it, and if the roles were reversed, if a man had asked me �so how long before you�re thirsty for cum again� I�d fucking belt him one� he said no, it�s alright, actually he was thinking of something like that to ask me, that if I usually go more than one round, to which I replied I�m the Energizer Bunny and I got to see him smile again and he said he usually can stay in the ring for three or four rounds but today he walked 12 miles into town for the festivities and with all the beer and sun (he was kinda red) he�s probably not gonna be much more fun, I said not a problem and he said I can count on a rain check though. We laid back and I did a Chef impersonation �Damn woman, I just gave you sweet lovins five minutes ago!� more smiles. He fell asleep taking up 90% of a queen sized bed (he weighs 140�) so I dragged him up to the pillows in the right position, he wouldn�t budge any other way and when I moved him he said �wow� like he liked it. Last time I was working out I could bench 140, but I didn�t tell him that. He was out and I was wide awake fucking WIRED wishing I hadn�t popped the last three vicodin back at the bar hours ago. I snoozed here n there but it�s always hard for me to sleep when a) I�ve been severely underfucked, b) I�m in a new bed/environment and c) Klondyke isn�t with me. I listened to the bullfrogs and birds for a while, dozed off here-n-there, got maybe an hours sleep combined, which I�m not complaining about, it was good �holy shit is this really happening� thought time. He woke up around 9 am, put in Incesticide and was blown away by my lyrical deciphering skills. I told him I�m a mumbler myself so it helps with lyrics, and he said �Nah you mumble? Hadn�t noticed� and kisses me on the forehead. We TALK for three more hours, hanging on each other, snuggling, me upside down again, hanging on each other like how the kids back in youth group would, like a GAP ad or something, just sexy half-nakedness all over each other, talking away. During this mornings talks the incredulity of the situation came up about a billion times finally coming to a head when he said �pinch me I�m dreaming� and I really did pinch him and he said �OW!!� and hit me with a pillow. We had a cell phone swapping ceremony where we put our numbers in each others phones then so lacking confidence both of us called each other to make sure we weren�t lying, and we jinxed each other saying we were pathetic. (I�m pretty sure I hear my cell phone ringing RIGHT now, I left it in the crawl space while cleaning so I�ll ramble on about this later)

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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