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"Yo Jo! Grab me two plain bagels offa the cooling tray seein you're right there" "They cool?" "Yup." So okay, the plain bagels were cool, but the sheet of bagels above that sheet definitely was NOT cool.

It's about 2 1/2 inches across, I'm sure it'll be blistered when I wake up. I made everbody laugh with my Ralph impersonation "This tastes like burning"

I'm back to shivering again today. I don't know what the hell it's from. Is it that hot at work and that cold here? Is it blood sugar levels? Is it from the pain? I know the twitching went away when I took those ultracets, so it could be from the pain, or it could be the sedative stops the twitching/shivering no matter what the cause.

I need to get some sort of schedule down, and not all this randomness, chaos. I work 10-6, nearly every day, and right now I've been going to bed bout noon-ish, waking up around 8 or 9. But those are horrible hours, I dont do jack, I spend the morning online, which I do enjoy, but that's it. I don't get otu of the house, I don't go anywhere, I don't get anything accomplished. Have I got my mail transferred from Houston yet? No. Have I faxed my guilty plea to that POS town where I got a ticket so I can get my license back? No. Have I called the courts in Ohio again to see if they found my ticket so I can get my license back? No. Have I seen my gramma? Have I gotten laid? I haven't put that flyer up at the guitar store (closed sunday). I haven't gotten that bank account opened. I haven't gotten new tires for my bike. I havent called my student loan company, which has probably put me into default by now, and told them I moved to NY... I haven't followed up on anythign withh Empire State College and I haven't gotten phone numbers or addresses for Gary's friends who are volunteering with me at the warped tour in a week, I havent even gotten in touch with the dude whose giving me the wristbands. I haven't done jack goddamned squat since I started working. And I think, "what was I doing before work started... why is it such a change, why does it seem so horrible?" and then, "oh yeah..., my beautiful distraction." so it's not related to work THAT much, just that I get much more accomplished with someone in my corner. Maybe I oughtta put a mirror there, fool myself like a parrot. And during my next fit of mental unrest I can rock back and forth and repeat "pretty bird."

I gotta quit eating at work, nake my lunches whenever it is I have time to do so. My mornings are shot, after I walk or pedal my ass home (I almost typed 'peddle my ass', LOL) I'm too sore to stand up to do anything much less fucking cook something to eat or to pack a lunch for the next night. I'm down to eating once a day, at work on my break. Not good. And water intake is down to zilch, for real not good. It's a little binge, the strawbeery shortcake custard thingy will stop tasting as good, I actually have been craving cheese more often. And I do have some atkins bars and sugar free candy around here somewhere. Narf. Boring boring boring. When does my real life begin? When I get bored enough to move to California. Bored/"thin" enough.... I want to have my "normal" game in check before I head out there, want the camouflage to be complete and all traces of the nutjob I really am covered up with pink lipgloss and fake bake tan. Cali is only the destination though, or maybe not even, I make no plans, learned my lesson long ago not to count on anything, that forever is short and definitely means probably not. But I have about 30 cousins on my dad's side of the family, and they live EVERYWHERE, and so maybe I'll just couch surf for a while, a week or until they toss me out, acorss the country. There's a motherfuckingsweetass caddy at some podunk dealership around here, they want $1500 for it. It's the same color as my bike, that classic Fender blue. I said to my mom "I have to buy it, it matches my bike!" So I'ma see if they'll hold it for me, it'll be like a month and a half, I get about $200 a week I figure, unless they pay overtime over 40 hours. Anyway insurance shouldnt be much on a car like that, gas would though, and I dotn know how much it costs to get a car put on the road here in NY but it'd be the bestest thing to drive cross country in, and who knows, maybe my mom will just break down and buy it for me. (Yeahhh riiight, Jo! Just like you got her to get you that gym membership!). But this is all clouds in my head, I'm not going anywhere until I have a mother fucking degree in my hand. So what do I need to do today... I'll call about my tickets, write out and fax my guilty plea (reminds me of a NOFX song that describes me quite well... been meaning to quote the lyrics here, now's as gooda time as any: "She�s a painting outta focus with no good sense of intention, she�s authentic she�s a model of disaster with a heart of revolution, she�s so innocent, but guilty�s her plea everybody wants to save her from herself, but they really want to save themselves. She�s got the grace of a tourist, with the charm of demolition, she�s a poem without meter or rhyme, the random design of a flower, like a rose no one really knows. She�s a masterpiece deserving restoration or condemnation. Time will tell us if she�s a lifer or a decomposuer, she�s the rose no one really knows.") "if she's a lifer, or a decomposeur" Fitting. Gotta stop decomposing, gotta keep up the fight, mirror in my corner, pretty bird pretty bird.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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