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There's a little white box on my screen today... it's the same old thing as yesterday.

I was looking back at the entry from two days ago and it made me think of the kinds of things I say in here, its "tell all" nature, and that I really do keep this like a private diary, I dont forget others read it, I just dont care, and I'm thinking this diary is gonna send me to prison one day and/or possibly get me shot, definitely fired. Sweet!

Henry Rollins was OK. Well he would have been awesome if not for the fact that he's fatophobic. And when you're up on a stage in front of 100 kids (it started with like 20 but word of mouth spread and more showed) preaching about all the other -isms and how "south of cool" (he said that 4 times) it is to be racist, sexist, homophobic yadda yadda... and then go into an anti-fat people tyrade? A little hypocritical. People are always in transition, that's something I learned a while back about being judgemental. You can see someone ugly and think "ugh!" but then you might not know that that person was in a car wreck that mangled their face and theyre only part way through reconstruction. Or someone who smells bad and is wearing crappy clothes, maybe that person just stopped working a double shift and hasnt gotten home to shower and change.... Or with my circumstance, you see some fat girl and you think like Rollins said "goddammit bitch, STOP EATING!" but you dont know that she's like already lost 1/3 of her entire mass and that you don't just wake up skinny the same as you dont wake up fat. It really pissed me off cuz I was right in front of him, like 15 feet away, and the whole time during his "Kill Fatty" speech I wanted to belt out "I'm HUNGRRRRYYYY!", tiger jump up on the stage from my seat and start eating him (the visions in my head were quite gruesome and funny). He kept looking at me as he was talking too. I really wanted to hurt him, or leave, but instead I thought of something better, show the emotion... so I let him know how human I was by crying, just a little, I felt like it ya know, and he needed to see that, put a face to his hate. I think it worked. He doesn't fucken know me, don't fucken talk about people getting five big macs and a diet coke motherfucker, GLARING right at me, I am NOT one of those people. I can bench 145 and can carry TWO bags of shingles up to a three story roof ALL DAY LONG, and bend my body into positions that you only fucking wish the girl you pay to have sex with you could bend into. Fuck that shit. I'm doing mostly my best job in losing weight, and at least I'm doing it the honorable way, the hard way... and not the surgical way. And I'm going to be a fucken hot 30 year old when everyone else my age already has wrinkles and skin cancer from too much tanning and make up, titties and labia sagging from having too many babies, and Rollins will be a cynical, gray old man alone in his schnazzy Hollywood condo, up all night spanking it to goregasm.com. Yeah I'm talking about you bitch, what you gonna do?

So his Hitleresque hatred of fat people aside, he had a lot good things to say, albeit he was preaching to the choir. He was motivational at times, a small anti-suicide statement here and there, and his stories urged people to get off their asses and do something, stop being so slackery. He told some cool stories about first seeing the Clash in 79 when he was a kid, and then later on seeing the Ramones for the first time and how everyone in that carfull went on to become leaders of major punk bands, then he talked about black flag opening for the Ramones, being friends with them, talked about them dying and sad shit like that. Talked about visiting one of them, Johnny I think, when he was dying, and he watched the final edit of "The End of the Century" documentary and the look in Johnny's eyes as he watched himself in the film. Imagine that, you're this punk god and you're dying, every two months they say you got two months... and you put in and watch the documented history of your band, watching yourself back in your glory days. Now I'd be morbid/demented enough to be able to do that but I bet most people wouldnt.

Rollins also had interesting things to say about doing two NSO tours, which is highly commendable being so antiwar/antiBush, but I would have done the same thing. In fact Rollins and I are very similar in tastes and attitude and choice of words and I even hate fat people though not so thoroughly, and he'd say things like "I was flying from my first USO tour in afghanistan and William Shatner calls me and asks if I'll do a duet with him on his next album, he's got Rob Fripp (the guitarist) from King Crimson on board and Ben Folds is producing and mixing... well hmmm, captain kirk, Fripp, Ben Folds AND myself on one track... that's FUCKED UP, of course I said I'd do it!" that's the kind of rock attitude that breeds death metal versions of Journey songs. doot doo do.

Enough on Rollins, over all he was good. But I'd pimp slap him if I ever had the opportunity.

It is MOTHER FUCKING cold right now. Insanely cold. Not so cold outside but in the house for some reason... the basement stays 10 degrees colder, first and second floor is 15 degrees colder, top floor is warmer than the outside, my room is anyway cuz I got windows to where I get the sunrise AND sunset in my room. But at night or when it's cloudy it's motherfuckingfreezing in my room, when I dont have a window to pull down over the screen, I dont even know where the window is so I could install it... I did find a blanket in the basement though that wasnt too nasty and that's in the washer right now. But I'm fully dressed in my warmest clothes, which arent that warm, and my nips are like marbles. anyway I have more to say but I started cooking some sausage for Boggy a half hour ago and theres prolly no water left in the pan.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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