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Yesterday turned out good, tiring, but good. I took a quiz from a link on someone's diary and it turned out so interesting that I had to go to the library. The quiz was "which historical lunatic are you?" and I came up as Nikolai Tesla. I thought "the tesla coil, alternating current, radio inventor guy???" Who knew he was a whack job? Not even just mildly eccentric like most inventors, oh no... this guy was looney tunes. Click on the QUIZES link to the left, it's the one at the bottom of that page. There's a good bit of a biography on Tesla. I was so interested that I rode my bike to the library to look for a book on him. All I found was a book talking about Edison, Tesla and Westinghouse's rivalry. Though it seems they give a chapter to each of the inventors as background info before getting into the real science/business aspects of the book. The book is already a little too technical, yeah I aced college level physics, but come on now, we didnt learn THAT shit. And also the author name drops all these people that I have no clue about except the Vanderbilts and JP Morgan. It's all quite interesting though. And hopefully the chapter on Tesla will explain about how he may have caused the Tunguska Explosion or why he pretty much only ate saltine crackers and compulsively did things in multiples of three, better yet 27 (even sex, I wonder??? ; ) The more I read of him there more I think, yup, the historical lunatic I'd be IS Tesla. Only down side to all this is that anytime I see or type his name I hear in my head "love is all around you, yeah... love is knocking outside your door" lol.

I also got the bio Lance Armstrong co-wrote. Now Ive seen pics of him before, but only on the bikes with all the gear on, and in the book there are all these pics of him and DAMN, even with a bald head full of surgery scars, dying of cancer, he's a sexy mother fucker (though I think bald heads, scars AND dying are all sexy, so that shouldnt surprise me). I want to get through the Tesla book before Lance's, but what I skimmed looked good. He's got a nice sense of humor and a writing voice not unlike my own. After the library, I rode down to the pier to read. I saw the craziest thing Id seen in a long time, for real it made my day. There was this girl about the size of John Popper from Blues Traveler before he had that surgeru my mom had, and she was even wearing the vest and hat too, she had on long johns with cut off shorts over them, long john long sleeve shirt with a short sleeve shirt over that and the vest over that, then she was on either a surfboard or a wind surfboard without the sail attached, and she had a kayak oar and was paddling across the lake. Oh it gets even weirder, she had her dog on the nose of the board, and the dog was poised like he was the king of the world ont he titanic or something. and the dog would skooch back towards the lady and cuz she's so big, well hell I'd think anybody would tip sitting precariously so, but she'd start to sink and she'd shove the dog off the board into the water. Now mind you, the lake is a glacial lake, it was formed when the glaciers receeded after the last ice age and I dont think the water's warmed up yet... this is the lake you get asthma attacks from when you jump in... and it's been fucking cold this week too (the leaves are changing already, I missed it so much the last two years in seasonless houston...) so that water musta been buck ass freezing. I was laughing the whole time it took her to cross by, which was about a half hour. The pier was packed, all the benches were occupied, but no one else seemed to notice or laugh or anything and I was wondering if I wasnt hallucinating the whole thing. She disappeared behind Squaw Island and I figured maybe it had been just a mirage. I left soon after but didnt get very far cuz Erin's friend Parker came up in his car and yelled to me so I turned around and we hung otu and chatted for a while. i told him about the lady and dog and surfboard paddling thing and tried to explain the best I could but really you have to see it to believe it, and he wasnt really catching on and about five minutes after we'd switched topics I saw her coming aroudn the other side of the island. parker was quite impressed, "You were right, that IS one of the most interesting things Ive seen in a long time...." and we tried to figure out what motivated her to do that. People's motivations to do things always intrigue me. So we're discussing what was going on in her mind that morning, do you just wake up thinking "hmmm what's the most fucked up way I can get a little bit of exercise today...?" and I said to Parker "How many beers and bowls of schwagg do you think went into that decision?" and he said "Too few, that's for sure?" and I said "How do you figure that?" and he said "Well if she woulda had a few more beers and another bowlful she woulda just stayed home and fell asleep, which seems like a better decision to me." pretty funny. I said "maybe she's training for an olympic event we dont know about yet" and then we spent the next 15 minutes trying to name that event "Extreme canine-human teamed paddle boarding" is what we agreed upon and right when we came up with that the dog dove off the nose of the board with such grace and style that we both shouted "TEN!!!" and then I said to Parker "Extreme Canine-Human Teamed Paddle Board DIVING!" We figured she was practicing in Canandaigua Lake cuz it'd be a winter event. anyway... I had taken my camera out of my bookbag to lighten the load, so no pics. Parker had a cam but no film. Figures. Digital camera though is definitely on my list of things to buy.

I'm still pretty manic about the whole Lon thing. Christ almighty I miss him. I totally fucked up. After the pier I visited with Gramma for a while, she made me a ham and cheese sammich that was the bomb even though its no different than you or I would have made it, it still was the best ever, ya know? With a side of cinnamon graham crackers and glass of whole milk. She had scored a bunch of clothes from some lady that died and so I was trying them on, I liked most of the shirts and they fit me well. Only I had to leave em there cuz I didnt feel like carting them around on my back, the books from the library were heavy enough after a night of busting my ass at work and no sleep. When I was getting ready to leave her house around 3:30pm I got a call on my cell from a number I didnt recognize. It was a guy who sounded an awful lot like Geoff asking for a girl named Jessica. "Um, I think you have the wrong number..." and the dude was toally confused and embarassed sounding. I thought the girl between Geoff;s wife and myself was named Jessica, that girl being his wife's best friend and coke/crack hook up, and this angered me heaps, also freaked me out just cuz of the whole Lon thing the day before and now Geoff accidently contacting me, but the fact that he's calling other chicks (hell yeah jealous) and the chick being his "ex' coke slut... made me sad that things turned sour only a month after going back to his wife and being sober etc... it was really fucken bugging me so after I left my grammas and did a short cut through the cemetary I got fucked in, I called his old cell number to see if that was him that called. It went to voice mail (at least it's still turned on, that's something he's got going for him...) but I didnt leave a messege. Then after thinking a minute I remembered that coke slut's name is Courtney and maybe not Jessica, though I do remember him mentioning a Jessica at some point. I dont remember his wife's name right now, I think it was a boys name like mine, but I was all confused thinking ok maybe it wasnt Geoff after all and now I just called him... great. And then I remembered that the last name I gave the psycho twin was Jessica, the second night I was with him he was calling me that so maybe he got my number and thought that was my name, but that doesnt make sense either cuz I havent really talked to him since then hardly. It dawned on me this morning that Tabs may have let Roach (Jessica) give my cell number out to get calls at Tabs house back when I was over there a lot during the days or when Id let them keep my phone there to use. Now that's probably the best explanation, it just took me a while to get there. Interesting if all this brings abotu Geoff calling me. It was weird cuz I'd been thinking abotu him yesterday, of maybe stopping by the church at which I know he sometimes goes to nooner AA meetings, it's right by the library. Only reason I didnt was cuz it was only 11 and the meeting was an hour an 15 minutes away and if I didnt stay active then I'd fall asleep.

Which I didnt do till 5pm, up at 8:45 for work, and Im not in bed yet which is retarded cuz I need to rest up for my night off/karaoke. I only have $5 so I wont be getting fucked up, unless I show some titties and rub up on some guys (eww so not worth it). I came back to the house and hungout with Rick for a rootbeer or two before hitting the hay. We talked about how even in 1993, if you have a secret compartment between the rear seats and the trunk and if you sprinkle a little gasoline on the packages, you can easily get 120 pounds of primo from autin texas to atlanta georgia and make 10K doing it.

I'm pretty sure it's been one week since I smoked weed last. Ok not quite, but it's a start.

After shooting the shit with Rick, talking about how much he's lost cutting carbs thanks to me, I got the digital scale that was still in my mom's closet that Rick told me about, and it turns out though I havent loast any, I havent gained any weight either,since starting work, the upstairs scale not being digital is all fucked up. I wemt up to my room and grabbed the pair of jeans that seem to fit and then nto fit and then fit again and then not fit etc, and I tried them on and they fit fine, like they went RIGHT on and buttoned comfortably. So all the walking and bike riding must be adding muscle or else all the free food at work is countering the exercise. So OK no more eating at work. Yeah, it SOUNDS easy.... Maybe I should switch over to reading the Lance Armstrong book, eh?

WANT TO CALL LON!! I'm so upbeat and positive right now, since that dream and confirming what was said in the dream about him still being here. I dont want to get really positive though, he could very well, and justly, slam the door in my face. Or worse yet, have someone tell me he doesnt live there... and they dont let me in the house, I dont see him at all. I want to be wearing those jeans though, and I want them to be BAGGY. Hunger strike till my license gets reinstated? Autopilot says that's a bad idea "you turn yellow and your teeth hurt when you starve yourself" well there weren't any fat people in Auschwitz, right Lon? Anyway, about the positiveness, I've been fantasizing (god I'm gonna fuck the living fucking shit out of him...) a lot on how I want things to be, cooking for him again, watching xfiles reruns, playing video games, passing joints, humping like bunnies... the shit I used to hate doing and I know how dangerous this all is. Hope is a lot like fire, it warms you but if you have too much or it gets out of control it can be destructive. So I dont want to think/fantasize/hope too much. Joey, ever the pessimist, the realist.... OK let's look on the bright side, if all else fails I can kidnap him and keep him in a pit in the cellar. Seriously though, Ive never wanted so bad to be so good, to be who I should have been all along, ya know, I seriously wronged that motherfucker and things will be amiss in the world until I set it right. I know that it wasn't only me that had problems, he didnt try hard enough a lot of the times, trivial stuff added up to more than the sum of the problems a lot with me but even if he's still the same, that's what I want. I only need just one chance to snatch back my rightful life. "Not now, but soon."

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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