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I found this site today, Joey is Dead, kind of interesting.

So yeah I could technically be sleeping now, if it werent for the fiddy-leven coffees I drank keeping myself awake enough to last through working last night on only a few hours sleep. And now Im WIRED, and the open house is at 2pm so even if I smoked enough (yes I finally got some, but was pretty much ripped off -I get twice that from my regular man- Im feeling less lethal now though) I still wouldnt get enough sleep, or any sleep, seeing Rick might actually get up and clean soemthing. Sleep is for the dead, and maybe one of these days I'll actually stay dead and get some sleep.

My dog rocks. I guess no one (no one named Rick...) let him out before they went to bed last night and he ended up crapping in the house, but he's so smart that he went in the bathtub. OK if he were really smart he woulda gone in the toilet, but still, rock on Bog, thanks for not fucking up my pergo floor or the brand new carpet the morning of open house.

Yup, alarm clock going off in Rick's room, and it's only 7am... what does he think needs to be cleaned that it has to be started this early, shit we'll prolly end up dirtying whatever it is by the time open house starts at 2pm.

My room is almost spotless though, and for those of you who really know me and have seen the states my rooms can get into (three month old PILE of leftover halloween jack-o-lantern... what used to be ice cream cone... tomato plants growing through the floor etc) would be quite impressed. Actually anyone who really knows me would be quite impressed with me in general, seeing anyone who knows me hasnt seen me in two to four years and the me now would tell the me then to bite the curb.

Met Mandy back here at the house, she goes "Some weird guy who looks like that alice n chains dead dude came out and asked if I had a light" "oh Gregg must still be here" I went in the house to see what was going on with Rick's broke down camper and if Gregg needed a ride home, and once he was in the car with me and Manda and Livvy (Mandy's niglett), my aunt Sue pulled in with Brittany and theyre both looking at me like "ugh, Joey, we thought you stopped dating guys like Lon" for real they totally thought he and I were together, which I guess is understandable cuz he is the type I usually go for, and the fact that mandy wouldnt be caught dead dating someone like that (um white first of all... lol, and also the whole dirty hairball pothead thing she dont dig either). Gregg's really cute to me though, dreds all tangled and pants ripped all up n such. His girlfriend or whatever is bigger than me and she shaves her head bald, wears trucker caps, I dont get it. I could so steal him but Im not that mean. Where the hell was I going with this convo... OK so we give Gregg a ride home then get cat litter and dog food, HUGE bag of Dad's adult chow was on sale for $5, just when I needed it to be, nice. Mandy cleaned up a little and vaccuumed, I tried to mow the yard but it started to pour, I cleaned my room and when the rain died down I got the mower out again and it started to pour again and I said fuck it and went to bed. Sometime today, before 2pm, I have to mow the yard. It's nice having a clean room, except I cant find anything. "Where the fuck are my tee shirts... why the fuck are they in the drawer? Folded? Who folds clothes these days, honestly? And what the hell is that thing on my pillow? A case? What the hell is that for?" I'm kidding. I'm not that bad... anymore.

I'm pretty sure that Im going to be the most stuck up vain bitch there ever was whenever I lose the rest of the weight cuz right now all I can do is check myself out, it's the only thing Im doing right, my only positive. My calves havent been this muscular since high school softball, in fact I was worried about my legs in general and theyve surpassed my abs. Now I need to start working on the upper half again. I havent been doing the tummy yoga stuff; holding the plow or doing the inverted crunches anymore. It really is shit you gotta do every fucken day or else you gotta start all over again. I'm kicking ass on my bike though, hills I couldnt get up I can fly over now, and it only takes me 10 minutes to get to work when it used to take half an hour. I was right, I am Lance Armstrong.

At the library eysterday while waiting on a computer I was browsing the non-fiction (just dont have time to waste reading fiction) looking for serial killer books or some shit liek that and somehow I ended up in the math and logic "section" (the library here is a fucking joke). There was something that caught my eye "The History of Nothing (How Zero Came to Be)" (er somethign like that, dont have it in front of me) By Kaplan, one of my horrible math books was by Kaplan I do believe, or something, I'd need to check and see if I still have it or if I resold it for $2 to score dope.... Anyway, it's pretty damn interesting. I'm reading too many books right now though and yet not reading them enough/fast enough. I want to live in a city that has a 24 hour library.

I switch to second shift on Monday, so I work 8 hours have off 8 hours and am back in for 8 hours, coming off of this no good sleep bender Im stuck in the middle of. "Get through this week Jo, and your paperwork will be in the mail, and you can get the van for the four day weekend you took off, and you can track down Lon, and one way or another things will be different, resolved. Soon."

I think about Geoff sometimes, I hope he's doing alright. I wish he woulda stayed my friend. I wish most of my friends woulda stayed my friends... LON, Neil, Tyler, Angela, Botch, Beck, Erica, Brandy, Jack... hell even Jim Dinovo, I'll even take a Jim Dinovo back, where the fuck are you guys?? I've known some fucken killer people, schooled em all, ya know. And I bet they sit around telling stories about me "God I used to know this chick this one fucken time she snorted a BOTTLE of vivarin before our advanced biology final and thought she was a blueberry for a week". Fuck I miss you Janet. I just wanna get back, get back Jo-Jo, back to who I used to be and where I once was going. Course Im at my best right now, (I think? am I Janet?) and it aint shit, it wasnt that hard, so if it stays easy-peasy-japanesy (and really, compared to the childhood shit my life should be ALL DOWNHILL ya know) I'll be pretty kick ass sometime soon. All this "soon" bullshit is wearing thin. I get it Morrissey... how goddamned soon is now anyway?? When does soon become now and when does will be become am?

I'm thinking a lot on the Lon stuff. While typing about the missing friends shit, I'd take friends with Lon over anything really. There's no way I can just show up and be like "I want babies, and a ring this time too, MY OWN RING, no offence but not your dead momma's" ya know? Just play catch up a few times, then smoke and video games and let my mojo work it... cuz he's never seen me so hot, and I dunno, what if it's not the same for me... that'd be interesting... if he answers the door and _I_ am the one to think "ugh, what the fuck was I thinking... why was I brooding over this guy for so long..." and who knows, it could very well go that way... which would be quite ironic and sad and a waste of time, but it's something I have to do, makes me finding him and talking to him even more important. But it has to be done, evryone disagrees and I dont know why, but I cant go through life always wondering. Whether it's closure or a re-opening... something's gotta happen. Git er done.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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