**REGISTER TO VOTE ONLINE!** **SIGN DARFUR ACTION PETITION HERE!!**

---

Up for work already, actually got sleep last night. Last night was really nice. I missed having someone in bed to snuggle with. My whole life I've pretty much always slept with someone, cuz of the abuse shit I was never able to sleep alone. And really it's only been since "the trouble" with Harlan that I've slept alone, so from April till now, minus the month with Geoff. It's very comforting, so fucked up dreams like the fucken fucked up motherfucking bullshit I dreamed the other fucken night dont fucken happen. (I'm working in this factory where it's my job to change the corpses in this racks like the donut baskets at tim hortons, where these babies/kids are hooked up on these shelves and theyre plugged into something, sorta Matrix-like, only it sucks them dry like raisins, and it's a pacifier in their mouths that's draining them -the opposite of what a baby bottle's supposed to do- and their legs were all fucked up like veal calves and eventually they die and it's my job to change out the dead thing and put in a fresh baby. I DREAMED THIS!) So just someone next to me, through my life it's been my brother, friends in high school, Janet, Angela, Botch or Brandy was over all the time, in college all four or five of us would sleep in the same pushed together beds or I'd be at Candice's house... then Lon... so Ive always had someone. It's odd that I didn't miss it so much until I had it again.

So I have to go into goddamned work tonight cuz someone else fucking called off. I have off a week and I need the hours, that's why I'm doing it. Actually, one bonus is that I'll be able to eat something. I feel bad because I'm a pretty good cook (damn good with some things) and I made this awful rice today for Matt and I to eat. It was definitely below my standards, sub-par and base compared to my lasagna and pot roast and smashed potatos and shit like that. It wasn't my best effort, and I dont like to do things half-assed cuz it's a waste of everbody's time.

I helped Tabs move out of her place, sort of helped. I fucked up my knee/leg somehow, and it was the morning after that shit happened. Actually I think I know how I fucked up my leg, ugh, anyway we got her all moved out and the place sorta cleaned and shit taken to her storage unit. She had a 2 1/2 foot pilates ball that she never uses and I snagged that, also there's supposed to be a tape somewhere she's gonna look for sometime. Im in no hurry, I know what to do with the ball. Ive never been able to follow any exercise tape and now that I think about it Im bad at following any kind of anything.

So that party I got kicked out of, listen to this shit, I'm at a lame ass party and I have no money, I have no beer, no weed and no other drugs that everyone else seems to have for sale. Tabs was supposed to just "stop by" and would have me back to the Lumberyard to get my bike before close. It was close to closing time and she said she wasnt going anywhere and that I'm spending the night there (there being Crystal Beach halfway down the lake, like 15 miles or more?) so like a caged animal I vented and managed to get a couple drinks, and she packed a bowl just for me ("nah get back, she's takin it to tha HEAD!") and THEN she got me a roll of X. Not even 15 seconds after taking the pill I see a hacky sack laying in a corner, so I pick it up and kick it to gary, whos not paying attention and it bounces off of him and hits the floor and then out of nowhere the party's host (some douchebag named Grimey, seriously I need to not hang out with losers, I know) goes all fucken off on me and how Im disrespekkin his house and how I need to get the fuck off his property and all that bullshit. I basically said "if you think you can move me..." and then added "or you could just call the cops" and laughed in his face because everyone there besides me and Gary was either a coke slut or a coke dealer. I went out and laid int he street for a while and the only thing I remember is going back inside sitting on the stairs and douchebag pouring a beer over my head, and trying to kick me down the stairs, me going back out in the street, Gary pulling me INTO traffic instead of out of it (he claims there were cars in both directions, I only saw one headlight pair and besides I was on the yellow lines) then I remember being in some van, my bike next to me, seeing the lights on at the camper party in my driveway and BUSTING out laughing "I got drunk for free, stoned for free, x-ed for free and a ride home from a party that I didnt want to be at, AND I have my bike, AND there's a camper party!" bitches! For real, no more Gary or Tabs or any of those low lifes.

Some other night, I guess it was Thursday, sure that's when it was, I found myself over at Seaton's house for a Texas Hold em tournament. I ran into the guy my brother used to be best friends with until he moved to Ohio in 4th grade. The kid still has the same ears but man he got BIG, like tall muscular, bigger than Harlan. But he's still the same good boy, he wasnt drinking or smoking anything. There were a few other shortsville people there that looked like siblings of kids I used to go to school with. The party was kinda lame too, which is odd seeing it was Seaton, but there were too many VIP parties in the bedroom, too many people walking out of there with the sniffles. Im getting really fucking bored with drugs. (what? did she just say that??)

Cindy called from texas today, and I had talked abotu her with Matt also. I think I should not mention anymore names from my past cuz I dont need anybody else crawling out of the woodwork.

So I got my paperwork from ohio and the ny dmv, who three weeks ago told me that was all I needed, is now telling me no, that is not all you need, in fact we didnt even need THAT, we need proof from such n such jurisdiction that says you have a ticket that you paid that ticket... ok... why couldnt you tell me the fucking court MONTHS ago when I started this goddamn process what the fuck, seriously I know I have enough fbi/dhs flags on my diary as it is (hi ya fellas!) but for real this is the kind of shit that leads to buildings getting blown up. This situation is all fucked up. Maybe this is what the fuck McVeigh was going through in oklafuckinghoma city. I wanted to rampage like godzilla, I was livid. So monday I call that court in ohio and see what the fuck they think I have or owe them, and them somehow get them the money.... Guess I shouldnt have thrown down almost a hunnerd last night, oy. I need to get my ass into work and make some money.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

last :: next