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Sometimes I think I should stop living my life like a Bret Easton Ellis novel but then I figure I'd get bored and eventually suicidal again.

So there wasnt a party at my door last night, just two people, one of which was a girl I work with. Well she works at Horton's, I've never worked with her though. Her fiance was with her. Nice kids, naive and maybe even a little mental though. She definitely cant drive worth a shit and is fucking slowwwww in general, she's a sloth like my brother. We ran out to get beer, we still had 45 minutes and we didnt get any beer in time. I wanted to fucken punch her. This is the fourth time Ive tried to get beer for the camper party and havent been able to. They dont take kindly to out of state licenses around here, and I'm thinking it may be just that it's a TEXAS license, but anyway I have trouble buying liquor. Probably a good thing.

After the unsuccessful beer run we came back to the house and Parker was waiting in his car. It was very odd that he'd come to a camper party alone, cuz it was just me and the old people and Parker and I arent friends yet, I still consider him a friend of Erin's. I was thinking maybe he wanted to hang out with me but I was sitting on the inside of the table playing cards and he didnt want to play so Greg sat next to me. Anyway it was still weird.

I got into bed around 6am and got maybe 2 hours of sleep total. I'm up already so maybe I'll make it to work on time. My alarm still hasnt gone off for me to be up and getting ready for work at 2, but there's nothing worse than laying in bed not being able to sleep. That's probably the worst part of detoxing, the days of neverending consciousness.

And speaking of that shit, at Seaton's house the night of the shrooms I met this guy named Ken. He's pretty smart for a guy about to violate parole.... Also he looks like he'd be the baby brother to River and Joaquin Phoenix. He was diggin on me pretty hardcore but I was looking like shit having ridden my bike from Horton's to there and I didnt start out all that pretty looking to begin with being sick and having just worked 8 hours and not having showered before work. When I first got to Seaton's house I borrowed his bedroom to change and to stretch out after such a long bike ride and Ken walked in on me in the middle of one of the more interesting positions. Later that night (actually we didnt start hanging out till Seaton went to bed around 5:30am) while talking to him he asked what he'd walked in on, (and I was thinking "here it goes..." and also "I dont even have my tongue ring in either, Im the man!") and he asked how flexible I was "Can you get your legs behind your head?" "Not yet, not like how you mean no, but I cant get my nipples in my mouth" so a demonstration was in order right there in the living room. All the non-tripping people had gone home already so I figure those that saw me do that probably thought they were imagining it. Ken liked it though.

I dont know how or why but every time I looked down at my right hand after 4am there was a Keystone Light in it. Like, a DIFFERENT one... and I kept saying "whoever keeps putting beers in my hand needs to stop" and then I caught myself getting a beer out of the fridge about 20 minutes later. Keystone Light though, who the fuck brought THAT? AND there was a 18 pack of Blue bottles in there too, yet I'm drinking out of the 30 pack of cans. We went through three 30 packs of Keystone, the Blue, I finished a bottle of spiced coconut rum that I found in the freezer (and that was fucken good shit, it dribbled down my chin and I wiped it off with my hand and licked my hand off, somebody said I drank it like a pirate). I ended up leaving my bike there and Ken may have used it to get home to cheshire, which is a farfar bike ride and my tires were low so hopefully not cuz if so then I'll most likely never see that shit again. All I know is that I have a poorly written phone number on my hand with the note "Ken has your wike" and I'm assuming that "wike" means "bike" and I was trippin too hard to use a B.

When Seaton saw Ken had come back from dropping off the curly-haired pod people that were making dying animal noises in the back yard all night (seriously, dont ask, all Im saying is that they kept disappearing and then coming back even CURLIER!) he introduced me and Ken and said "You should talk to her cuz she's been fof that shit for two years" but within a half hour of Seaton's bedtime ("Joey I know youre the most fucked up one here so if there's anyone who'll get my ass up for work at 9am it's you I trust") Ken's asking if I can drive cuz he knows where he can get some killer balloons right now and he's got clean rigs in his bookbag right over there.... Now I'd be stupid to lie and say it wasnt tempting, but it wasnt all that tempting. It wasnt the drug I wanted, but to share that closeness with someone again and to feel that distance from everything else. For a minute I thought what it would be like shacking up inside a dirty junky life with that beautiful boy and it was too painful rememberiing how it was with Lon. "No thanks, you couldnt find enough heroin for me." "I know what you mean." He hadnt used heroin in a couple months so I know where he was at in thinking once would be OK. He was doin a lot of coke though and said the needles were for meth. He wouldnt show me his arms. I said to him "There isnt enough heroin available to me that'd be worth turning these teenie tiny white lines into open sores again." I pretty much said the same thing when he would cut me bumps out of his bags, "Give that shit to someone else, aint gonna do shit for me" See I can sort of be responsible when it comes to drugs.

Seaton on the other hand... there was one point where the four of us that were shroomin (me, S, Erin and some dude named Al) were in Seaton's room with this girl Tina (I'll get to her in a second) who was kinda like our babysitter but she was all fucken drunk and stoned so not doing a good job of being a babysitter. So we're all in there and I dont know how it came up but Seaton decidied it'd be funny to pull a certain something out from under his mattress, I wasnt for sure what it was going to be until the sight of its black bulkiness made me RUN to the kitchen to get out real babysitter, Seaton's roommate and for me to say to him "Seaton just pulled something out of his mattress and I think you need to go take care of it like right now meanwhile Ill be far away in the backyard see ya bye" a few people caught on and followed me outside. No loud noises came and five minutes later the roommate tells me the coast is clear. I think thats about when I found some alone time and stayed outside. Yo, Seaton baby, a half ounce of shrroms and firearms dont mix, aight? Though I'll admit, it WAS a sexy piece, LOL.

A couple more things I dont want to forget, Seaton drinking out of a pink god damned straw all night, maybe I talked of this yesterday. Also when I first got to the party and realized everyone had just ate an 1/8 of shrooms a piece (double that for S) and I wasnt told to bring more money with me I was pissed off and then this girl whose name I didnt remember is all hugging me like "it'll be OK, what's the matter" all superficial and shit and I snapped at her and said "dont fucken touch me" but the way I said it S and Erin kept telling me that I threatened to kill her, which I did not do, I didnt say "dont fucken touch me Ill kill you" but anyway she started crying and shit and I had to apologize, which I never do, but she stopped crying so I guess it's all good. The other thing I want to remember is JT, who makes Jack from Coker look straight, climbed up on my lap and asked if he could see my titties and I had said "nah cuz then you'll want to fuck me and then you'll complain that strap on is too fucken big like all the other boys I fuck" and most of the party heard me and about died, JT though, I think was intrigued. After he'd been passed out on Seaton's couch for a while I realized he had his sneakers on and S is one of those leave em at the door or your not walking on my floors kinda guy and I said to him "Yo, look who's Rick Jamesin up your couch with them sneakers on bitch" and he said "Someone get those shoes off my leather!" and someone went to lift JT off the couch and we noticed his pants were wet... awe shit dont let Seaton see that or the thing mught come out from the mattress again ya know... so I flop pee pants over my shoulder and get him in the bathroom and basically piss for him, for real it was odd, and Im holding him up and hes barely awake and asking who's grabbing his junk... his pants werent that wet so I knew there was a lot more in there, and he's swaying like Neil did that night, pee int he tub, on the tun, down the side of the tub, on the side of the toilet, the toilet seat, in the toilet, then the other side, then the other floor, then the cabinet where the sink is... etc... so Im holding him up, holding his junk for him AND counterbalancing his sway. Someone walked in and told me I was awesome. A little later after having cleaned up someone's puke, and all the beer bottles, and doing dishes and handing out a party pack of donut holes I brought from work... Seaton said I was amazing, at which point someone spilled a beer on the table we were all playing cards on and I was up and cleaning it before anyone could blink and S just shakes his head and says "man if I ever need anyone to clean up evidence..." and I say "I dont LEAVE evidence..." and we head nod each other and I tell him about all the piss in the bathroom that I cleaned up and how the evidence of that is gone. Anyway it was one of the better nights of my life. I dragged everyone outside, even the passed out motherfuckers, to watch the outrageous sunrise, and while out there I said "man, this night has been like one long, beautiful blow job" and someone said that they couldnt have put it any better.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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