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Im very angry right now. I was fuming, but I settled a little bit. Seems I'm not meant to be part of the family when the relatives I actually dont want to kill still wont give me the time of day. Heather, Mandy, Britt and Livvy are having dinner with gramma right now. Thanks for the phone call bitches. Mandy says "Well it's chinese and you dont like that, we're just eating and going back over to my mom's." whatever. It stings but I'm trying not to be such a crybaby about it. This house is very empty and it disturbs me. The only human contact is with customers at work. This streak of 8 shifts in 7 days is getting to me. And I still have two more nights to go. I have a bad feeling my birthday will turn out bad, I dont have a very good track record of happy birthdays, (except for last year cuz of the strokes) and I'm hoping that will change. I miss my fucking brother. I want my fucking license so I can go see him and Janet.

I'm very fucking hungry, another reason it pissed me off so much that I didnt get a call tonight for dinner. There's food here but none of it goes together. Tomato soup no crackers, cereal no milk, spaghetti sauce no noodles... there are flavor ice in the freezer and that, along with a handful of vitamins, pain relievers and glucosamine condroitin will have to tide me over until I get a break at work around 2am and can eat for free. It's not worth cooking if it's not going to be good. And there werent any fat people in Auschwitz, right baby?

I need to quit moping and go play some fucking guitar. Rick changed the strings on his acoustic last night, I'll have to break em in. I remembered an old poem of mine that would make a great (albeit FUCKED UP) song, only I need to write another stanza or two for it. But I need to go work on that. I'm in the right mood for that poem.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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