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I'm at the library again, not on one of the teen area computers so maybe they'll let my swear words through this time. Bitches.

Tuesday night went better than I thought it would. When I first got to the Farm I talked to Matt (the thing you step on) and Will (his friend). Matt was saying that he heard I had a new friend, wink wink nudge nudge. I asked who told him and he said "His old friend..." which I assumed was Nicole. I was confused yet relieved. I asked him a few minutes later when she had told him and he said he didnt hear it from Nicole, it was from someone else. I never found out who that person was, probably Rick or Rosie (don't ask, you dont want to know about her, waste of our time). So I was back to the drawing board with having to tell Nicole. Greg showed up on his own, and I don't know why it worried me that he wouldn't but anyway she showed a little while later and ignored us both. That's how it's been, which is beautiful. I was pretty well lit up by the time he got there from work after 11:30; I went with $20, left with $3... that's quite a few dollar pints of Blue. We shot darts with Rick and Dick, Gary had disappeared with the underage girls from the mailbox throwdown party on Nov 30th. At closing time we all piled into Dick's van and headed over for a camper party. Greg was the most sober (for real) so he drove, fucking up Dick's ignition just like last time when I drove his van, and his van is still in our driveway. I fell out early, about ten after 3 am, I blame it on the watermelon jack daniel's coctail thingies that I downed. I didnt want to drink any more beer, I'm new to beer, and I dont get drunk off of malt liquor drinks really either so I dont know my limits and how it feels/when I should stop drinking or whatever etc and then Greg said there were some wine coolers in the cooler along with the beer so I dug those out. After tasting it I said something like "What the fuck is this pink butt dart playing fruity ass mother fucking homo bullshit that I'm drinking??" then I finished it and downed the other one. I was DONE after that. I tried my best to help Greg out with Euchre but I could barely keep trump right, much less tell the suits apart. I set my head on the table for, I SWEAR, all of two seconds and when I lifted it up Rick was still sitting in front of me but all of his facial hair was gone. He's always had a bushy beard/goate, so when I put my head down he was there with the beard and when I lifted my head up it was gone. "ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME??" I almost flipped out. Obviously I was drunker than I thought and time had moved very fast, and Rick was drunker than we thought and had shaved the shit off during a pee break I guess. I tried to play more cards but seeing him for the first time bare faced (a bug-eyed and bare-faced Rick is quite scarey) was freaking me out and Id have to hold up my left hand to block his face from my sight and I kept dropping my cards. I left for the house shortly after that but made a pit stop in front of Dick's van to puke my brains out. The first time Ive puked on beer, and I'm pretty sure I wont be drinking any more beer. I CRAWLED into bed. Around 5 am Greg joined me, and it was a very good feeling, natural. It was the first time since living with Eric that someone has just climbed into bed with me, no games played, no permission needed, just that's where he knew he was sleeping. Sometime thereafter Rick left in the camper to go Godknowswhere and Greg was tugging my clothes off. Unbeknownst to us Dick was TRYING to sleep in the chair underneath us. We didnt know then that the van wouldnt start. The next day when I saw Dick he said "Yeah I didnt hear through the grapevine that you and Greg were a couple, I heard it through the ceiling." ahh, that Dick is a funny old mother fucker.

Greg walked to work Wednesday afternoon and was doing overtime, working until 1:30am Wednesday and Thursday and he wasnt sure if he was going to sign up for OT on Saturday or not. We had some more good talks and I think I put him off a little bit, I think maybe he thinks I'm complaining a little bit about his hygeine, like I said, he's a dirty hippie. But not only a dirty hippie cuz even then hippies usually wash their clothes and brush their teeth and Greg seems to not do these things often, like the four nights he spent with me he didnt ask if I had a spare toothbrush nor did he comment "geeze I need to brush my teeth" or "man I could use a shower..." I've been pushing vitamins on him and after the earring cleaning and the manicure I think I need to lay off. But I said to him "ya know when I was using heroin the first thing I did in the morning was shoot up, and then I took a piss and then I brushed my teeth. It's ok to have fucked up priorities, it's ok if you wanna drink yourself retarded, just take care of yourself while you do it, fucken a brush your teeth while you're drunk if you have to... I want to still be able to eat mother fucken steak when I'm 80, I already fucked myself over thinking I wasnt going to live into my 30's but life is fucking long and hard and you got another thing coming if you think you're going to die young... dont fuck yourself over, getting old is hard enough, dont give yourself more problems than you already are gonna have. Take care of yourself, learn to do this shit for yourself." yeah I was a bit hard on him. I'm just sick of seeing good men kill themselves slowly. Get busy living or get busy dying, ya know?

Anyway in non-Greg related news, my mom's out of the hospital from her shoulder surgery. She's already doing too much, too soon in that stubborn-strong woman fashion that I inherited and improved upon. Aunt Shirl picked me up this morning (after three hours of sleep) and we went to Shortsville to move furniture at Adrian's (mom's bf) so we could get the recliner from Shirl's basement and bring it over for mom to sleep in. I did a few chores and errands for her and she gave me ten bucks to put in the tank, which wasnt ON empty, it was UNDER empty. So a whole 5 gallons in that monster isnt going to get me far. I went over to the college and bummed around a little bit, ran into one of the girls I work with who showed me how to get to admissions, picked up an application and some other shit about Empire State and now I just need to get that shit filled out and transcripts going. There's an info session/orientation Nov 30th that I need to go to. I'm hoping my americorps money will cover a whole semester because I didnt fill out the fafsa for this year I think. I'm not sure actually. I filled it out the June before I moved out of Eric's place, and THIS June woulda been another deadline. I wish my brain would work linearly. Anyway, I'm nervous about starting school again. There didnt seem to be many interesting classes offered at the community college here in Canandaigua. Most of the classes I'll need will be electives to fill up credits and bring my GPA up. I figure I'll take some more chemistry, some agriculture/horticulture & soil classes, you know what I mean, and then maybe the chemical dependancy couselor courses just to throw em all off. Oh they also have a class called "Recreational Firearms" yup. Maybe I can minor in that... : ) Actually most of the classes I liked were listed under the PE group... things like Judo for Beginners, Fencing (I did 3 mos of private fencing lessons from Cherokee Jew Boy at Coker in exchange for french tutoring), also they offer Scuba classes. Hey if I gotta pad my gpa and pay $2500 a semester to do it then I oughtta actually LEARN something, and seeing I barely learned ANYTHING from my "real" classes I might as well learn real world skills like how to grow my own wheat and how to shoot a gun n swing a sword. We got a civil war coming soon. Gotta go, times up.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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