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I am going going gone completely fucking nuts. I am almost out of control. Last night was horrible. I sliced myself up with a razor and during an argument with Greg he stormed off walking away and I ran him down in the car. OK I didn�t run him over, more like �tapped� him with the front bumper� 5 times� until he realized I was going to do that to him the whole way to his house and he got into the car (after checking to make sure I didn�t have any weapons or wasn�t planning to hurt him anymore�). Yes he deserves it, but still�. I twitch nearly constantly, I see things, all I want to do is hurt people, I have no patience and only temper, I scratch myself till I bleed� it�s like back before I met Lon, and the other really bad time, the six mos before I started using heroin. Back then I�d drive back roads with my lights off not slowing for stop signs or lights. Im getting to be that bad. I have no idea how to counteract all of this. Before getting preggo it was part meditation, and part marijuana to control my moods. I haven�t had any decent meditation time since then, it�s very hard to do while not stoned. Not only do I worry about the next six months, I also worry that my body wont right itself again after giving birth and that I�ll have to try meds again, or worse, reboot my body with methadone or H.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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