**REGISTER TO VOTE ONLINE!** **SIGN DARFUR ACTION PETITION HERE!!**

---

Ive been having trouble sleeping. Well, today I slept from 7am to 5pm but I haven't been able to fall asleep for a nap before work. All weekend I didnt sleep much, worked overnight last night on 3 hours of sleep. I was nervous about the ultrasound, that's why I think I wasn't sleeping all weekend. I have other things to be nervous about now. Biopsy results showed 86% abnormal (mutated) cervix cells, anything over 75% they call cancer... doc says for me not to call it that though, cuz it's a bad word or something and they still need to do a bunch more tests. Everything has to wait until after delivery so it's a waiting game. I haven't researched it yet but they assure me that treatment is simple comparitively (freezing, lasers) and is usually thorough (little chance of relapse). I dont know if there's a risk of it spreading, but that's what cancer does, right? I need to look some stuff up. In the meantime Im supposed to get plenty of rest, not worry and of course, drink more water. Though I have an appointment for bloodwork coming up that's about all until baby comes, their indifference to the whole thing doesn't calm me down. "Are there signs I should be aware of...?" "Well symptoms of something like this are slight, general fatigue and nausea are most common." And that differs from being pregnant how? Im glad I bailed out of the medicine tract at school before the system corrupted me too.

Anyway, Im back on overnights. One replacement called Bossman "the strangest man Ive ever met in my entire life" (I said to Bossman "the guy obviously hasnt met my brother!" Bossman isnt even weird at all, and Im mad I couldnt have worked with the nutjob cuz I coulda had fun fucking with his head.) The guy ended up walking out on Bossman leaving him at the store alone. Another replacement overnighter keeps calling in sick cuz she's out of HER meds. Bossman said both of them confided that they were bipolar and he went on some anti-nutjob tyrade until I told him that Im bipolar too and he asked how come Im so different (functional) and I said cuz Im not on meds, and Jedi Mind Tricks. "Well, keep it up!"

I worked five hour shifts saturday and sunday, then three overnights. I get Thursday off but after working five days in a row the one day off is gonna be spent laying in bed cuz my knees hurt too much. The house is in chaos, which doesnt help the bipolar (messy house = messy brain = messy house etc) and could be another reason for my lack of sleep. The sponge we use to wash dishes was nasty, I mean I wouldnt use the thing to scrub the toilet of a crackhouse much less wash my dishes with it. And I think was it this dirty the last time someone did dishes, and maybe that's why I was so fucking sick all last week? Rick has had money for going on two weeks, but as his friends call it he's "nigger rich" meaning he drinks all the money the same day he makes it, then gets drunk again the next day when the next ebay auction pays out. He times them that way, so he can earn a whopping $20 a day to drink on. Meanwhile he eats my food, which used to be OK as long as he was keeping up with his share by buying the toilet paper, cat food and household stuff food stamps wont cover (dish cloths...). But for two weeks now Im getting the food AND everything else and now Im on strike. There isnt a clean dish in the house. And there isnt anything to wash them with. There's no laundry detergent, no cat litter and the little TP we have is squirreled away in my room. Fuck em. Greg's just as bad. He's only working two days a week now. That income goes to beer and gambling and he expects me to feed and house him for free just like Rick. If it isn't the phone ringing, it's someone's banging on the door. It's never for me but it's hard to ignore. I can here Greg sayin "Oh youre gonna milk this cancer thing for all it's worth, arent you?" like he said when I was too morning-sick to keep up with household chores then. Every fucken room is piled with boxes and furniture, two people moving in, one moving out, mom's hip replacement is at the end of the month and gramma might stay for a while too... and this isnt what I want for my baby at all.

The ultrasound showed a very healthy baby, all wrapped up with its feet on its forehead and hands in front of its face. I caught a yawn though and that was very cute. We couldnt tell gender cuz the little bitch wouldnt spread em. Also we figured out why Im sticking out so much, why my tummy is so big and its cuz the placenta is rammed up under my diaphragm and also it's a larger than usual placenta. Baby is measuring 21 weeks 3 days. They didnt move the due date up.

I needed to vent a little. Dont worry, Im still a super hero. And like Batman says "I gotta go to work."

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

last :: next