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I dyed purple streaks in my hair and the next day they were blue. Even my hair is sad.

The main reason I ever doubted Cobain's death as a suicide was the fact that he had a baby, was very close with her, how could someone with a baby do something like that...? Now I understand.

Every aspect of my life is kicking my ass right now. I can't think of anything that's going right. I know I pulled myself too tight but what they talked about in orientation and how my classes really are is comepletely different. It's like I'm half-assing everything (mommying, work and school) That's how I feel, and that's what everybody else is saying, but really I'm not doing THAT badly. I'm STILL the best employee. I'm STILL the smartest in the class. I'm STILL the best parent I know. Everybody else needs to change their point of view. And on days when I feel like this, I need to too.

My biggest problem is lack of support. If people would just shut the fuck up and leave me alone... that would be enough. This is shit I get daily, like ALL MOTHER FUCKING DAY LONG, in fact I hear NO POSITIVES WHAT SO EVER! 1. "But you hardly work, what do you mean you dont have time for...(insert shit someone else has way more time to do)" CORRECTION: I work 4-5 nights a week, 9-10 or more hours each. 2. "You sleep all the time, what do you mean you're tired?" CORRECTION: I sleep an average of 4 hours a day (if I'm lucky). Sometimes I sleep 10am-2pm and again 6pm-9pm, sometimes I only get the second nap in. Maybe once a week I sleep for more than four hours at a time. Right now I have slept 7 hours in the past 3 days. FUCK OFF!!! 3. "Why don't you get your ass out of bed and spend time with your daughter?" a)full time work and full time school b)with all the family lovin on her she doesn't need or miss me c)if I dont finish school before she starts walking then I'll never finish d)I usually stay awake long enough in the morning to get her changed and fed, and I'm the only one who bathes her e)I just spent nine fucken months with her, it's somebody else's turn....

These were all said to me in the last 24 hours: "when are you two getting married?" "when are you ever gonna get a decent man?" "why did the place look like shit last night, you didnt have that many customers?" "you shouldn't be smoking pot, you're a mom now" "you shouldn't even be tired, you don't fucken do anything" "you're taking her out wearing that?" "At least you get good tips when you handle the school busses by yourself" "so do you help customers or do we get our own food?" "when you and your brother were young I never got to go out every night like you do" "if you took your medicine like you're supposed to, you'd be fine" and my personal favorite "I thought you were trying to lose weight?" seriously, enough, please.

she looks so miserable. doesn't she?

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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