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An update on Greg: He's still in jail. He hasn't had his court hearing yet. He thinks he's plea bargaining and only having to serve weekends for a few months. Both the landlady and Pedro have talked to the DA and she says that Greg won't be out for 6 mos, plus he'll have 5 years of probation where he'll go to jail for a year if he sets foot in a bar for that 5 years. They both said getting him court ordered into treatment would be for me to do because they dont do that to people "just" for drunk driving (which I think is bull, I thought they do that). So when I redo the custody crap for the new county I'll make sure that they put something in there about him being in treatment before he sees her. Cassidy is one cute carrot-on-a-string.

I hit the skids with Mikey for a few days but then things are good again. He won't put out. He says it took him 6 mos to put out for his baby momma. He says he's afraid of getting attached and getting hurt. I told him to get over it, that getting hurt is all part of the game of love and the sooner he gets used to it the easier life will be. I remember YEARS ago, walking through a Kroger on the east side of Columbus with Latsavay and her pointing out some lonely looking disheveled guy and saying "I need to date a guy like that, someone that needs me..." and we talked about how we should dump our current boys (I was with Lon then) and date REAL losers, that way they'll treat us like gold because we're the best they're ever gonna get. I'm not saying Mikey's a loser, but you know... he already says I'm the best he's gonna get, and he does treat me like I'm gold. It's almost a 180 from how Greg treated me.

I don't miss Greg all that much. I can tell that Cassidy is starting to though. Sometimes I worry that Greg is suffering, detoxing in jail can't be fun, and whenever Cass spends the night with someone else I miss her terribly so I cant imagine what it's been like for him being a week without her, and to think she'll almost be 2 by the time he's out of jail... hopefully she won't remember, or worse, she'll remember him disappearing but not why. We all dig our own graves though, some faster than others. I'm sad that I didnt put my foot down sooner, but how does someone force someone else to be a good dad? I'm very worried about her welfare now, being with my mom overnight while I'm at work, and then at the sitter's for part of the day. I never see her anymore.

I'm worried about school too. Why cant I just do what I'm supposed to do when I'm supposed to do it? I'm going to have to ask for extensions again. But it's the teacher I want to talk to about Greg being in jail and how disruptive it'll be to Cass for him to be gone that long or whether I should take her to see him. The visiting areas aren't set up for physical contact so she'd just see him through glass and that's not what I want to put her through.

Why do I get so depressed when I write in here? Let's find a different subject... I finally get paid today. It's been a looooooooong two weeks. I have an idea that I'll be feeling good today, cuz my mania always gets a boost when I'm spending money, driving around AND getting shit taken care of, all of which I have on my to do list today. "Sleep" is number 11 on the list btw. Gotta get a bunch of shit to turn in to social services: mail in my name, letter from work, birth cert from the courthouse, copy of my paycheck. I need to do my car's inspection. I figure I'll get pulled over about it today either on my way to get the check or on my way to the mechanic's. I'll say to the cop "I swear I'm on my way to get it done right now. See, it's on my to do list for today." and the cop will say "Well it shoulda been on yesterday's to do list. Here's your ticket." cuz cops are assholes like that. I told AJ I'd take him to probation, which is fine cuz I gotta get something from that building for my social services shit. I also need to pay my mom back a little of what she's been bumming me, and I owe Prett $45.... Between paybacks and all the shit I need to buy/pay for (birth cert and inspection) I'll be broke by late afternoon. I notice a huge difference in the amount of time it takes for the first half a tank of gas to be spent and the second half to be spent, so I plan on filling the tank and not letting it get below half a tank. Oil light keeps coming on, and brakes are grabby. Also the whole gas tank being held on by a bungee cord thing oughtta get fixed too... I plan on doing a little bit with the car every week. Mikey claims he can do my car for me if I buy the parts. I guess I'll let him try. I've never been with a guy who would even TRY to fix something on a car before, so it's just nice that he offered. It'll be cool if he knows what he's doing. It's only brakes, and I could prolly figure em out on my own if I had the right tools.

I worked with a nice guy tonight. I've met him before in passing, me leaving and him clocking in. He's slow to warm up, and always seemed grouchy. The older lady I did my last overnight with told me not to cuss or scare him too much. He turned out really cool. He's pretty interesting. I'm going to have fun corrupting him. Anyway. OH it was cool, first thing he did after the 2nd shifters left was turn off the GOD DAMNED CHRISTMAS MUSIC!!!!! seriously I'll strangle every last mother fucker that tries singing charols outside my house. There's this one song that flips me out (really, ALL of them are stuck in my head playing on top of each other, on continuous loop!) this song is like a 40's jazzy number, sung by a woman with a butterscotch voice, goin "I got those J-I-N-G-L-E bells" and I just sit n rock, repeating it "j-i-n-g-l-e- bells j-i-n-g-l-e- bells j-i-n-g-l-e- bells" in a Jack from the Shining meets The Crow flipping out about The Cat in the Hat kind of way. Anyway, the kid's interesting, a nice change, not at all what I expected him to be like. I notice I get along well with boys that have been home schooled.

I think I might have to find a home for Putu. Oh yeah, happy subjects.... um... ok then... guess I should TRY to sleep for a couple hours. I got Mad Season stuck in my head now. Heard it on 90's @ Noon. Gonna order it for karaoke. "Why do you always do depressing songs" "I stick with what I know."

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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