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I'm very sad today. My arm and shoulder are not getting better. And my back is getting worse. It's not a good idea to keep an ex junky on pain meds for too long... and they can't get me in to see the specialist (neurologist) until Feb 1st. The nuerologist's nurse said that they have emergency appointments but I guess a single mom losing the use of an arm doesn't count as an emergency... (any mom knows how important her arms are... we're like octopii, 1 arm on a mom is like losing 4 arms). I called Burnadette (friend of aunt shirl's, I was on lil league w/ B's son) back at my PCP's office and she said she'd see if she couldnt get my pcp to call and explain that I need one of the emergency appts. People dont just wake up and find they cant feel and barely move their arm, it's not like this happens every day... how is it NOT an emergency? I got sent home early yesterday and then I called in today. My lower back really hurts. Is it a slipped disk or is it just the way I've been leaning to the right, compensating for the gimpy left?

Randolphe feels it's his duty to chip away my tough exterior and let all my caramel out, but it is ill advised. He says "I'm not here to try to fuck you" but that's where the conversation always goes. It's not that you're black, or old, or that your girlfriend wants to join... it's that you are already friends and I don't have sex with friends. I just made up my mind to have anonymous sex for the rest of my life and until I (repeat: _I_) change my mind that's how it's going to be. Other than that it's cool to be hanging with smart people, in nice environments.

I need pain pills and a nap.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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