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Was in Ohio over the weekend. Didnt get as much time with Janet as I wanted, but we did get some alone time together. I might start working at Tim's again, only the original store at the north end of town. Whenever we get a better car, or get the mercury fixed so that it's getting better than 6 miles a gallon... we'll make a trip out. I'm thinking for the Com Fest or else Red White n Boom.

Everyone thought I was drinking too much, which is easy to do now post surgery, but really I didnt drink that much. Jamie wanted to start drinking at 10 am, and pulled me in with her around noon. Bacardi select, dark dark rum, and also shots of crown and shots of rum. I had three mixed drinks and 4 shots from noon till 10pm, then made a mixed drink "for the road" that got shared between me and Jamie and her friend Tonya. Once out Tonya bought us a round of shots, but they were weak buttery nipples, then she got me a beer at karaoke, so I "accidently" dropped it and only had three sips to kill after that. When we got to bar #3 I was still goin strong, had reached that zen point. Then I'm pretty sure I got drugged, which no one believes (can drug addicts be drugged???). Jamie says I was fine then she went to the bathroom and when she got back I was DONE. Prett's across the yard neighbor was all over me, I remember him asking if I wanted any pills and I told him no, he kept asking and I said what are they and he said it's a surprise so I kept saying no. He was feeling up my boobs, trying to get his hand down my pants and trying to kiss me at the bar. I'm sure it was him that put whatever the pills were into my drink. It was the same exact feeling as the last time it happened to me at Jose's. Then my cousin Heather says that the kid came over asking for me before we got home from the bar. I was puking all over myself at the bar, throwing drinks around, punching Jamie etc, I dont remember any of that. I guess I was about to be arrested when Prett showed up with the car. I dont remember that either. I only remember a five second flash of seeing a pregnant belly, recognizing my old high school friend Heather's voice asking if I was OK and I said to her "what happened to that whole LESBIAN thing" and I guess after that they left in her van to keep delivering papers and Prett had my mom's car to take me home. I dont remember getting in my moms car, or getting to Prett's house, or getting to the couch or puking all night, which, I'm told, is what happened. I was confused in the morning and my mom was thoroughly pissed at me. We ate breakfast at Bob Evan's after much excruciating mind-changing and arguing on my mom's part (I envision every morning, waking up laughing in prison... every time I wanna kill her, I just picture waking up in prison LAUGHING and it makes me feel better, she'll be 72 when Cass is 18 and old enough to take care of herself, not worth killing a 72 yo but I can dream).

Homicidal fantasies aside... Tim wasn't too thrilled with me, saying he didnt hardly get to see me when we were in Ohio (besides the 16 hours we spent practically on top of each other in the car...), cuz I spent alone time with Janet, whom I havent seen in 6 mos, and then I was being a "drunken whore" out at the bar without him... whatever, I don't have time for high school games or low-self esteem boys, better get a ring on my finger if yr telling me what to do, n besides like I was doing anything anyway. Things are good, I dont know what the problem was.

I put in about a million applications in the last few days, Mark's pizza needs a delivery driver, which is something Ive always wanted to try doing, and also KFC called me today for an interview. If Horton's comes through I'm gonna try to work at least two of the jobs, we'll see. I really need DSS to cover back rent and this mos rent so we'll see what's going on. I dont wanna make "too much" money and lose everything right away then wind up back on the system again. I really hope Hillary wins cuz she's got cool ideas on welfare reform (like why can I buy soda but not diapers etc...).

I dont know if it's helping the pot cravings or what but I've been smoking cigs lately, menthol only of course.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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