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Im still really sad. My family is actually being fairly supportive this time, I think because they liked him too, and like me they thought this one would work out. I've been occupied by cousins, Pig Fucker and Erin have spent a lot of time with me. And Heather and Kevin have been extra nice at home, renting movies and staying in with me. I went shopping with another cousin, Amanda, and I helped her move the computer center up to the second floor at my aunts house. Today is Erin's bday and I'm spozed to be going over there tonight. This morning Heather let me sleep in (though all the tylenol pm's had something to do with it). She's gonna try to get me a job at the gas station she works at (probably making more money than the nursing home). So far everyone's being nice, but it'll wear off soon.

I keep avoiding the suicidal tendencies that are lurking in the shadows. I can never be the person I wish I could, never be a good enough mother or a hard enough worker, I will always be alone, no one is trustworthy and I'll never be able to provide the life that my daughter and myself deserve. That said, I'm going to try to get into the free psych clinic thing they have and see if they do meds. Not that I want to jump on meds right now, but I do notice that my life falls apart within weeks of me quitting my meds....

I know it's good that I'm not with Scott, but only cuz of the drugs. I'm sure more reasons will appear as the distance grows. I still feel that everything would be ok if we hadnt ever met Katelyn. I feel eusurped, that she's in my bed, driving my car, fucking my man.

gtg

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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