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I STILL haven't gotten my shit back! AND they're charging ME with 3rd degree assault!!! ARRRGH! Do you have any idea how frustrating this all is? I just wanna start healing, get over it, move on... now I gotta worry about jail time! I have been assured that the charge is a formality, that every domestic in the state of new york is handled this way, that the paperwork will be completed, the judge will give me no bail or low bail and that I'll be home for dinner. But these words came from a man's mouth, a COP'S mouth, so I don't believe them.

OK lemme back up (I'm very scatterbrained today, days of depression finally flipped into an explosion of mania).

Thursday I called the police in attica to set up a time to get my shit. I made arrangements to get a truck and boxes, got Kevin to agree to come with me, called and left Scott a msg that I would be there early the next morning. I was even NICE, I said "I know your best sleep is the early morning but I gotta have my uncle's truck back by 10 am so I have to leave your place by quarter to 9, sorry it's so early" and he listened to the msg and called me back. I answered cuz I'm not the pussy he is, letting everything go to msg. He seemed startled that I answered but then went into a tyrrade about me not getting my things back "You're not getting your things back tomorrow. The police told me that you can't have your things back until the damages you caused are paid. The car has $2500 worth of damage to it, there's a $500 dedeuctible. The tv glass is $250 and then there's the stove so you're not getting any more of your shit till I get that money!" I called the police in attica and told them what he had said, the cop told me that wasnt true and to meet them that morning and we'd go over n get my stuff. So Friday morning I get up at 5 am, get Kevin goin... we get to the cop shop and the sherrif makes me wait 10 minutes then comes out and starts asking me questions like "so how did you get here today" "is your child with you" etc I'm not fucking stupid, I knew what was happening "Well the DA wants me to take you into custody but who am I to keep a man from his truck so you need to be back here Monday at Noon and we'll go over to the court then. Dont make me come find you." "It's only a formality, everyone involved in a domestic is charged, that way the responsibility of the decision of who is at fault and guilt doesn't lie on the police, it gets left up to the courts. I'll have the paperwork done so things will be speedy..." Then he tells me that we need to wait to get my things "after the court" so who the hell knows when the fuck THAT will be. So I got my uncle to let me borrow his truck, spent $30 in gas, spent 4 hours of my time, for nothing! AND I might spend time in jail for something I didnt do. OH the sherrif also asked me where I was when I hit the deer, which has NOTHING to do with the domestic, nothing to do with the police... so why is he asking THAT? I really need a lawyer but have to wait until I get a "public pretender" appointed for me. This is fucken bullshit. Why does Scott have to be such a baby. You should hear the voicemails he left me that night, he's flipping out. It'll be part of my defense.

Meanwhile back at the ranch... I'm trying to start getting back to "normal". I did some online apps, laundry, bathed and shaved. Went out for Erin's bday last night. Was pretty popular as usual when I go out cuz no one's seen me in so long so everybody says Hi. EVERYBODY in CDGA knows what's goin on and has got my back "what's this dudes name number and addy" "is this shit goin to trial I wanna be there" "dude if you go to jail for this shit it'll be like Earl!! We'll get B actors to sing FREE JOEY" My life is a fucking circus. One of those creepy third rate Alabama roadside ones. Anyway besides all the melodrama I also managed to do a little flirting. Rebel, as usual, had to remind me that he's still waiting, while I'm up in the DJ booth with him I caught my ex bf Rob checkin me out so when I got back down on the floor I went over and said Hi to him. He got VERY upset when I got up close and he saw my eye "That fucken sicilian I saw you with did that to you, I'll fucken kill him!" We talked a little bit but they were closing and shoving everybody out the doors. Then on the way home one of Erin's friends who was out with us was a lil flirty. I probably scared him though. NOT that I want to start dating or fucking or whatever anyfuckentime soon, I'm just sayin, I wanna keep options open, take time and um smell the flowers.... But this kid... Chris? (oh crap I didnt drink THAT much) I really could like him. He's a bassist in a punk band (dont worry it's not a sid n nancy thing!) He said something about NOFX, maybe they do nofx songs or somethign like that then pigfucker interrupted about how I met them and Bad Religion threw beer cans at me and mushrooms didnt make good charlotte good and blah blah and then we were at my house by then so that sucked, also what sucked is that I left my hoodie (closest thing to a coat that I have) in the ride there's car and she took off, and my phone was in the hoodie pocket so i dont have any way of getting ahold of anyone to get it back. Erin knows my phone was in there so she said she'd get Dawn to drop it off at her house but then Erin doesnt have the house number and I dont have theirs, and prolly no way over to their place to see if they have it or to give them the house number GRRRR I just wanna call and get that guys name n number and ask him if he wants to go to the Hounds of Hell's party with me tonight.

Greg called yesterday and we talked for almost an hour again. Too bad I'm not one for giving people second chances.

I got more to say but Im jumping around too much and wanna get a nap before my mom comes home with Cass. Soup might be good too.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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