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stillness | ||
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stillness 01.19.08 3:08 p.m. Court ended up being canceled that Monday cuz the DA called in sick. I asked the assistant public defender if I was supposed to be acquitted, he said he didnt think so. I'm pretty sure that if they dont have anybody to prosecute then they need to drop the charges. he said they would have court again soon to make up for it but I told him I needed at least three weeks notice to get off of work on any given day. Been hanging out with Hank a whole lot. We ran into each other in the grocery store when my eye was still a little bruised (so early nov?) and since then he would surprise me at least once a week by coming to walmart and taking me out to lunch. Now I've been hanging out at his house. It's nice over there, very calming. Cass went with me once when I cooked us a pot roast. She was very good over there, maybe theres something to feng shui after all? Hank is a licensed massage therapist and master reiki healer, professional photographer, former accomplished businessman, current auction house dealer. He's hellbent on turning me back into a good person, to infuse me with his original hippie-dippiness. I'm still clinging to my notion that it's much easier to be bad than good, and that I'm taking the path of least resistance. Also it feels much better to hurt other people than it does for other people to hurt me. He sees through the bullshit and my defenses but still I dont know if Im ready to give em up. I used to consider my self a taoist. I even toyed with the idea of dropping out of my first semester ever of college and joining a commune after a taoist "monk" gave a presentation in my world religions class. They were willing to take me but they said I had to wait a week. I met Lon online that week and never looked back. What if I had gone? Weird! Anyway, all the stuff Hank talks about or has me read is bringing up memories of when I was into it before. Also it reminds me of some of the work I did on the 12 steps while goin to NA meetings all the time down in Texas. THEN it's also very close to what my therapist has been explaining about what kind of anger management treatment she thought would be best. So it's all coming together. I need to write down my revelations about Huck Finn. I finished it a couple weeks ago and caught the meaning of the dream I had right after the fight with Scott. anyway I gotta get to work, will write the Huck Finn stuff tonight at the gas station. 4:30-9:30 at walmart first. Always remember to quit while you're ahead. |
About Me I am a bipolar genius, child abuse & addiction survivor, who is now a single mother who works 70 hours a week and has had gastric-bypass weight loss surgery a year ago. Wish me luck cuz I need it!!! Examples of My Insanity
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