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Things are going Springer in the household right now. Heather and Kevin fly back to Florida tomorrow morning and are already practicing for their grand re-entry into the trailer park kingdom of white trash. They are by no means debutantes. They've been screaming, shoving each other around and throwing shit. Every few minutes I hear heather yell "FUCK YOU KEVIN!" then I hear something heavy -but not as heavy as Heather- hit the floor or wall. I've diffused the situation a couple times. My kid didnt doesnt need to see that shit. There was one time I locked her and myself inside Scott's bedroom. That was enough. So anyway, they need to shut up, hurry up and get the fuck out!

I found out that my tax refund was mailed out Friday. I doubt it'll be here today, seein no mail yesterday, but it would be a nice surprise. I def want it by tomorrow so I can find someone or someplace to cash it, so I can have some money for Jerico's birthday. I dont plan on spending a whole lot, I'm pretty sure I can get a beater on the road and also get into an apartment with the $2400 Im getting for federal. State taxes will buy me a nice bed or a big screen tv or a washer n dryer set or another month's worth of rent & expenses. It'll probably go toward the latter, first to play it safe and have some cushion, but also so that I can have some vacation time to hang and regroup with cassidy, she'll be needing me through this chaos. It'll be nice to be at home with her, unpacking and nesting. Actually I've already started nesting... half of it's cuz of the upcoming move, the other half is Jerico. But I noticed he's started doing the same thing, primping and pruning himself and his possessions. His car and his bedroom have been cleaner each time I'm in them. He's been kicking around at rock bottom for a few months too. it's time to start the climb.

Last night he was very VERY talkative. His boss is coming down on him at work. See where he works there are two partners, him and two other guys. He's in charge of the 2 other guys (one of which is Bobby, an old friend of mine from before I moved to ohio in high school). The owners are oftentimes not around and it's up to jerico to get his screw off friends to do their jobs. Job is to make metal parts on machines. Jer sets up the machines, makes sure the programs are running right, then shows whoever's using the machine how to use it. Bobby and the other kid (who's brand new) just place in the uncut part, pull levers, rinse and deburr the part, repeat. Jer takes care of anything wrong that could possibly happen. So this week they started a new job and hired the brand new kid. He's gotta reconfigure the machines, install the programs and fix them up if they're wrong, run a few hundred parts and check em for quality control, THEN retrain the other 2 guys on the machine set up. THEN the boss wants something like 25,000 parts a week. AND the new kid might have quit and a new girl (that I know and feel sorry for them having to work with her dumb ass) might have started today. AND he put in for the day after his bday off (Thurs) but if the numbers arent up he's gonna have to work, AND they work 9 hour days so that they can have half days on fridays, but it looks like mandated overtime everyday. Then to top it all off, the owners are around all day riding his ass. So my baby is stressed out, but I'm doing my best to keep him relaxed. I cooked dinner over at Pigfucker's last night. We crashed at his place (H&K been keeping Cass close to them and I been getting nights away). When my phone alarm went off he asked what time it was "6" "But we dont have to leave the house til 7, why did you set the alarm for so earl-- oh... OHHHH!" The only thing missing was pancakes afterward.

Sometime in between finishing dinner (baked ham, mashed potatos n corn) and playing 3 Man his ex started texting him. I had a feeling it wasnt just ALL work bs bugging him yesterday, in fact I was leaving Bobby death threats on his myspace --Bobby thought it would be cute to try to kiss me last week at karaoke, while Jerico was singing the r&b song Suspicions then when I politely-yet-seriously asked him to cool it he proceeded to LICK MY WHOLE EAR!-- I noticed that he had new pics up, and that I never really went through his pics when I added him as a friend so then I came across a pic of Jerico and his ex (really I wasn't snooping, REALLY!) and it was from mid November, AND they both looked really happy, and also Jerico's lost about 10 pounds since then. Plus she was pretty. It wasn't a happy discovery. So as we're shootin the shit with Erin n Gary he starts gettin texts. I'm curious as to who it is but I wasn't gonna ask, that's his business. He didnt reply to the first one but then he did to the 2nd. He showed me the texts as they came in, well offered to show them to me, but I only read a couple. She was talking about being friends blah blah blah and why he's being a dick when she still wants to keep in touch. Then he wrote back that he'd met someone, she wrote back that she knew, he wrote asking when she found out and she wrote asking when he and I had met. He told her we've known each other since the day after new year's and that our first date was only just on Jan 25th but that he's closer to me than he ever felt to her. I didnt read that one, I was cooking and Gary was with him, "eavesdropping" and later filling me in (as if I needed him to or really cared, I'm fairly secure with Jer). I remember hearing him say "Oh she's not gonna be happy with that one!" Then his phone wrang right away, then he answered it, just saying "uh, yeah" instead of hello, and then he didnt say anything else and then hung up and started laughing and said "Oh really!" I can only assume what they said/called each other in the text and phone call.

We said we'd pick Erin up from work so we left to do that while PF showered and watched the potatos (meaning he kept playing video games and got stoned without us cuz we said we were cutting back). Once we got in the car Jerico apologized, asked if I wanted to read the texts, and assured me that it was definitely over. I said that I understood but I was thinking to myself about how many times I'd heard that before. So I think he could tell I wasnt 100% OK and on the way from Palmyra to Canandaigua he was telling me what happened. They started dating about this time last year. She seemed nice and respectable and not totally crazy. She knew that he drank and smoked pot and sometimes would do other stuff before they started messing around. After a month she gets arrested for stealing from her job. Then it turns out that she'd been arrested for stealing thousands of dollars from her job over the past 6 mos or so. She was looking at a lot of time in jail. Then 2 weeks later she tells Jerico she's prgnant with his kid. Then 2 weeks later she tells him she has a serious addiction to X. So he sticks through these things somewhat, but a while later he gets really fucked up on coke and they have a huge fight where she says if he's gonna do that stuff he has to tell her about it, then the next time he told her about it she flipped out and they ended up breaking up for a long time. THEN she supposedly had an ectopic pregnancy, and miscarried the baby. Most peole dont think she was pregnant at all, she didnt go to the hospital for any of it, Ive had an ectopic burst and I almost died... you definitely have to at least spend a night in the ER with that shit. he doesnt think she was ever pregnant but he's not sure. His mom's a nurse and doesnt think she was ever preggers either. But regardless, he went back with her for a while and then after she was sentenced for her theft/embezzlement she was put on probation and said that he couldnt so much as smoke cigarettes in her house anymore let alone drink beer and smoke pot so he said he used that as an excuse to leave for good. He cant do those things in his parents house, and he knews he cant in my new place and it's not a prob. If he wanted to stay with her he woulda cleaned up a little bit. Too much drama with her he said, every week there was an issue and every month there was a catastrophy. Meanwhile he and I are just chill, like I talked about before, best friends that are madly in love and hump "sometimes". Anyway he didnt totally end it till in between xmas and new years. None of my business. I'm still having nightmares about Scott. Or rather, they started again. It's when Im with him that the dreams come, and it's because of the way I sleep, my shoulder gets stuck underneath me or him, my arm goes numb, shoulder gets all sore, and thats what triggers the nightmares, mostly theyre a replay of Scott swinging me repeatedly into the fridge and wall by the arm. Anyway, he and I are both still healing, and no wonder why we have trust issues. We're playing it very cool considering our last relationships. We talked last night in bed about how we're not each others' rebounds, and how we can help each other heal by just being good to each other. Pretty much we realized everything bad that's happened to us and everything we've done to others has been practice for us with each other. We know what not to do, we know what we dont want done to us. He's a sweetheart, he really is. Now I'm remembering how his mom said his father was pretty wild before she tamed him. This was Saturday night, while watching a band at the legion. I see him being a lot like his father. This was a redeeming quality I found in Lon, that his father was decent (drunk, but given the circumstances...). So anyway I'm not too worried about Jerico and I. I'm totally in love with him, but the emergency brakes are on, he's not moving in with me right away and he's never paying my bills. Those days are over.

OK I need to get Cass a snack, she's very hungry today.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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