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Just ONE day to sleep in, just give me one day! I ALMOST had it today, I was sooo close. Spent the night at Jerico's again. I think I slept there all weekend now that Im trying to remember : ) So yeah yesterday, Sunday morning, his parents usually go to church but they didnt this day and the whole morning Im hearing Jer's nephew crawling/running around above our heads, then someone got creative with breakfast making tons of noise banging pans and dishes and chopping veggies and coming down into the basement TWICE for food from the extra storage room... so today I was thinking about how nice sleeping in would be, even though Jerico leaves for work around 7 I could just drive home and go back to bed daydreaming. The alarm clocks this morning were cute. Jer sets three of them, two clocks and his phone. Then i think he sets the phone alarm to go off repeatedly, and also he tends to hit the snooze button often. I was already awake for the half hour his dad was gettin ready for work like 4:15 to 4:45 and THEN all these damn alarms start goin off. It was annoying at first, like how many alarms do you need sheesh Im trying to sleep over here. We didnt hump last night, both kinda goofy on red wine, plus we had a long day and were pretty stoned. I figured we'd fool around in the morning, which I initiated cuz I wasnt gonna go possibly the whole week horny as hell for him... so I said to him after a couple alarms went off back to back "You know, I like the way I wake you up better." He made this happy sound in agreement. Seems I'm a very good alarm clock lol. So in the middle of it all alarms go off sporadically and then 2 alarms go off simultaneously and I was like "wah it's an ambush!" and he says "air raid!" it was pretty funny. So FINALLY I get a day off. No work. No kid. No appointments or promised rides to loser friends, absolutely NOTHING required of me from the time I woke up until dinner time. Imagine that! ME TIME!!!

Course it started with an hour walk home from wherever it was on Rt 96 that the car ran out of gas. Along the way I made the decision to tell Gary and Erin to go fuck themselves about giving them rides anymore. YESTERDAY was another day off of work with no kid but I had told Erin I'd give her a ride to work at 2pm, and told her I couldnt give her a ride home. Somehow I take her to the emergency room and home again, totally fucking up my whole day. And also the reason I ran out of gas this morning. So no more rides kiddos. You both have full time jobs and NO KIDS, get a fucken budget will ya!

Not saying the exercise wasn't good for me and all that but I was driving half asleep coming from Jerico's, pretty much I was just switching beds. I had to finish getting dressed in order to start walking. Thankful I was half-stoned and that I had my mp3 player with me.

Jer and I spent the weekend together again. We still dont have a label, which is what I prefer and want right now. As far as I know the same goes for him. Friday night he and I were supposed to go see Flint Creek play the East End Music Fest up in Rochester. I was so excited at work all day, then my doctor's office called and said I had ANOTHER kidney infection and there was a script waiting on me. THEN Gary calls me at work asking for a ride home. I got out at 5 and the band went on at 7, not a whole lot of dickin around time. I flew over to Farmington to pick up Gary, called Jerico from his phone, and Jerico sez he doesn't feel well and wants to maybe do a bonfire, definitely wants to just chill. He said he was on his way home to get a shower and then had more running to do so I needed to hurry up and get over there. I was pretty pissed off at first cuz the way he worded things was like iffy, like "well if you get here and Im still here..." or "well if you still wanna hang out this is what I'm doing..." I felt like I'd be tagging along or stalking him.

I think I'm holding back moreso than he is, Im still unsure of everything in my head. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks we're not bf/gf again, maybe he's reacting how he thinks I want him to? Everyone else thinks/says we're back together. We sleep together 4 nights a week, sometimes we dont have sex but usually we do. Sex with him is still better not living together. Our communication is too. I dont think it has anything to do with living together or not, but the break up. I dont know why I say "living together". Things changed after breaking up, and I think we both learned and grew up some in the months apart. Even when we were broken up and still living together. Or maybe we never even broke up? Anyway, I dont know why Im still so unsure of myself. Maybe it's how quickly things fizzled with Bill, even after I had made significant lifestyle & personal changes. I feel that I'm a pretty good companion, why do I corrode through relationships so fast? I also dont trust how quickly Jerico left the first time, his eyes were so sure that he was done with me. That or he was miserable the whole time and didnt express it, which is too horrible to think about. But really I shouldnt feel so insecure about it.
We still slept together until he went on vacation.
He had an unpleasant vacation.
He didnt move out until I had another boyfriend.
He let me use the car, kept it on the road and insured. Also kept the utilities on a month longer than he needed.
I was the first to screw someone else.
Only once screwed his last ex, and hasnt mentioned her since.
Hasnt turned down a "booty call" or a chance to spend time together.
Still doing work on the car and throwing (smaller) hand outs my way.
He said that the sex in the car was the best sex he's ever had
He laughed like it was a dumb question when I asked if I was staying the night or going home last night.
He kissed me twice this morning but I'd started to pull away after the first one, so then I leaned back in and we kissed some more.

I really REALLY want to let loose and get all school girl again with him, but when i think about it I get sad, and scared. I'm still broken from the first time. Slow and steady... that's how I want it this time around. Maybe great things will happen. I do feel that I have my Tik-Toe back, and my days are happy, I can mostly sleep at night. Though how long this will last... or how accurate my feelings are is anybody's guess.

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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